Since I started this blog, I have been revisiting some of my poems and material from my other blogs. I can track, a little, my evolution and some of the strange events that have happened, to me. I recognize me in some of it, but it was a quite different me. One of the things that has struck me, is that I know when I am speculating and extemporizing, it is possible that people on reading what I wrote / write believed that this is / was what I held to be true, ergo, I must be / have been loony.. a whacko.
If I explore a theme, it is just that, an exploration. Yet people can seize on these as my reality, literally. They presume to know what I am thinking and believing.
What I have noted of late is that people simply do not get my degree of attachment or rather non-attachment. If one is keen to impress, ambitious to move forward, to make a mark, then it is difficult to comprehend someone, perhaps like me, who is dis-interested.
My default is that we will live here on a pretty small income, not far removed from minimum wage, for the foreseeable future. There are two outliers to this scenario, a putative involvement with a friend in the states, and my patent application. That world of big cheeses is far away. I am in no way attached to these outliers and if nothing comes from them, we are in the default.
It is hard to understand that if fate decrees, 2000 euros a month is enough to live on, plenty even. Back in 2006, I was on ~£4200 a month, before tax.
Yeah in a strange perceptual space tonight, I don’t think that “others” understand that what they might see as a carrot is in fact not as attractive as it might be, perhaps they have the wrong end of the stick…