Some Limericks

Over the years various people have told me that I have a F**k Off button and that once this has been pressed it is too late to do anything. As an INFJ I am always deciding something though this may not be apparent to others and when the decision comes it can appear as if it is out of nowhere. The phrase the straw that broke the camel’s back applies. If you make it on to my list of wankers, it is pretty difficult to get off it.


There once was man from Brazil

Who quite often forgot his pill

When blood came in waves

He thought of close shaves

Only now he could be, terminally ill


There was a fellow from Nantucket

Who kept all his eggs in a bucket

As day turned to night

He became a Sh’ite

And went on a package to Phuket


He knew a boy from Bankok

Who kept all his jewels in a sock

They were cosy and warm

And safe from all harm

Going round like hands on a clock


This boy had very bad sight

And a handshake most terribly tight

To be caught in his grip

Was a terrible trip

One which he practiced by day and by night


He had a friend from Sydney

From whom he borrowed a kidney

So when time came to piss

He no longer would miss

And thanked him for the urea he rid me


Now Michael was due an extraction

And he wanted no single distraction

So he took up his fiddle

And went for a piddle

Then went for a fatal abstraction


He met an Ostrich called Karma

And tried his best to charm her

Despite all his words

He got only turds

So he stopped trying to teach, the Dharma


And the morale of these songs

Is on how to write wrongs

Watch out for those curls

And tight winding whorls

Or the barber will get them with tongs