If I was a pandemic movie script writer….

I sat this afternoon and watched the press briefing from the bio-tech. start-up company about messenger RNA. I heard the members of the UK government saying that they were “proud” to be the first country to trial mass vaccination, I noted that the vaccine comes from Belgium and that we are in the Brexit endgame. The UK government has been trying to put a spin on the light at the end of the tunnel. It is trying to make amends for its previous handling of the pandemic and I remembered that my ex-wife {heaven forbid} used to work for the medicines regulatory body…people like Boris are not averse to short-cuts…

And I thought to myself; what could possibly go wrong?

Our local newspaper Ouest France ran a well-considered debating article about the pros and cons of vaccines. If I was everyone else, I would let island UK be the guinea pig, it is easy to quarantine an island…

Now if I was a script writer, the scene is set, the audience is filled with hope about getting back to normal because of a magic silver bullet, time for a dramatic twist…methinks…

For a hitherto untested sample of people who have an unusual immune reaction to SARS-CoV-2 the mRNA gets into the SARS virus and causes it to amplify production of the spike protein which binds to the lung ACE receptors. The virus becomes much more contagious and stimulates worse respiratory failure. The European union has no option but to cut off all ties with the UK even blowing up the channel tunnel so as to stop the spread of the now mutant virus being caused by infected mice nipping over to France for a booze cruise. The shipments of vaccine are now halted. The amplified mutant strain runs riot, it decimates.

It turns out that the bio-tech start-up is the brainchild of a Dr Evil set on world domination. In their labs they have another vaccine that actually works at 99% efficacy with no problems against the expected mutant strain.  It is top secret. They are waiting for the time when they can hold the world to ransom.

Boris get on the blower to M and says that we need to send in 007 to steal the recipe from the start-up.  A now declared transgender 007 puts on its lingerie and gets into the latest Aston Martin car/submarine/electric hybrid and heads off to Mainz. Using an AI generated invisibility cloak it breaks into the lab and steals the code of the mRNA and a precious sample thereof.

Meanwhile the coffins in the UK are piling high…

007 calls up a special golden eagle drone designed by Q and is evacuated back home to Porton Down. 007 hands the sample over to the good old boffins who work late into the night and replicate the new vaccine which can be given on a pear drop sweet. Fortnum and Masons take over the supply chain management and soon every household in good old blighty is vaccinated. We can at last get back to losing at cricket and eating cucumber sandwiches….

And I thought to myself; what could possibly go wrong?