I am going to try to put into words something which has perhaps been thematic in my life and has caused some strange behaviours. I could be kidding myself, but I don’t think so. It goes something like this. From time to time I find people competing against me, wanting to beat me and prove me wrong. They seem to feel the urge to go out of their way to do this to me, especially. For what ever reason they want to win and/or cut me down.
This is odd for me as I am not interested in “winning”. I suspect that this disinterest can in itself be “annoying”. I am not all that interested in being right and/or winning an argument. I don’t really care who is “right” and who is “wrong”. I do not think like that. Is something a semi-accurate working description, suffices for me. On occasion I have “won” whatever that means. In general, I am simply happy enough to have done my best, given close to 100%.
A number of people have, over the years, gone out of their way to undermine me and pull me down. I know that under a number of conditions I have been the subject of gossip, people have made up stuff about my exploits and exaggerated them. I have sampled this on a number of occasions when people have been talking about me, to me, without knowing who I am. Some of the alleged exploits do not match my recollection. Yet people do talk about them, even to me!!
Since I have been an adult, I have never knowingly competed against anyone with the objective of winning a competition, real or imagined. I have given people the “benefit” of my opinion and this often does not go down well, think lead balloons. I can be direct and forthright. Yet this has never been from the motive of competing against, rather it is often by way of an exhortation to change.
I was usually pretty good at most things without really excelling, nothing too conspicuous. I did play competitive sport but only amateur. Actually, I am now reminded of one common occurrence when younger, the drinking contest. When I was a young man, I could drink a lot of booze without getting too drunk and a number of men tried to out drink me. I was in no way trying to win, simply I was getting pissed but they saw it as a drinking contest. One Japanese chap who was the “champion drinker” at his university tried on a number of occasions. He “won” once when our “contest” started after I had had five pints prior to our meeting. It was very important to him for some reason.
Is everything a “contest” for some people? Possibly
Where does this mind-set come from?
Is it dominion or insecurity?
On one occasion a flat mate of mine, who alleged he had been in the army and had some special forces training, and I were sparring. I trained in karate. He kept walking onto to a front stop kick. Every time, he attacked, bang. He completely lost the plot and started smashing up the house. We just got in the car and drove off. When we returned there were scratch marks from fingernails on the wall. This is when it started to dawn on me that for some people, I appear to be an annoying bastard and some people like to get even, get revenge. They will wait a long time and go to inordinate lengths to do so.
My guess is that people like to try to control and manipulate, when this fails, they get the hump.
Is that it? I am just an annoying bastard who needs to be taught a lesson, put in my place, cut down to size.