Unconscious Decisions

Yesterday we saw another snake whilst out walking on a coastal path. It crossed the path reasonably quickly about three metres from us. It wasn’t a grass snake, and I made the unconscious decision to move swiftly in the opposite direction. It was a bit too big to be a viper but could have been. When one has lived in Australia and Zambia, there is an innate tendency to treat snakes with respect. Why we are getting so many snakes, I don’t know but the occurrence is up there.

After the sighting I walked around deliberately making noise, stamping my feet, as I have been taught to do, so as to warn any snake of our presence.

It also got me thinking about other types of unconscious decisions. In my case some of these are values based. Way back when there was a research assessment exercise on, there was talk in the department about getting rid of those who were deemed to be underperforming. This kind of talk about colleagues shocked me, that people could even think it. It started me on an unconscious decision-making process. I was either on the list of people to be rid of or close to it. At the time I was single, and the decision process was “if somebody has to go it would be better if it is me because I have fewer needs than others”. I doubt than anyone else even suspected that I was thinking along these lines. The climate that enables one to think of axing a colleague to artificially improve the standing in an exercise is an anathema to me. It shone a new and unpleasant light, nasty. This thought form was a part of my decision to resign. I would let others off the hook by going.  

But it was not the full motive. In one sense I knew that I simply had to go. I had things to experience which I could not have experienced whilst in a full time and demanding job. It was a feeling of necessity and not a conscious considered, pros and cons, decision. It was perhaps an unconscious yet intuition-based choice. I was sensing something which was in store for me and making space for it to happen. What that thing was I had no clue of. But sure enough in January of 2007 I had a dream which said that I MUST find the Great White Lodge.

How we ended up here had unconscious elements too. The decision to move was mostly made in the middle of a bagpipe parade and in a Breton festival at Tréguier at night. I felt at home. We drove through Tréguier yesterday and water from Le Jaudy, in our garden, meets the sea there. What builds up to a decision are many micro events. In this case I felt that there was no place for me in the United Kingdom, specifically in England. We found this house the very last day of our house hunting expedition, out of the blue, the estate agent contacted us. She had just returned from holiday. The house was at the top of our wish list, and we had written it off because nobody had gotten back to us. It was perhaps a sign. Sometimes just when you think nothing is working, it happens, a synchronicity, just when you least expect it.

Hmnn… Why all these snakes?