Seemingly small things can adjust life trajectories.
Are these small things random, preordained or is some quasi-malevolent force at work?
I have just done my exponential fits to Covid data, and it says that in a weeks’ time there will be something like 70,000 daily cases in the UK. I don’t class a nasty disease as a small thing. There was an inevitability about this despite all the brouhaha to the contrary. It is the consequence of relaxing measures and mixed messaging.
At the moment our lives are shared with the swallow family in our passage. We take the long way around. There are four increasingly noisy chicks, and the Mach 2 swallows are on near constant feeding patrol. Apparently even after fledging they continue to use the nest, so we have guests possibly for the rest of summer. This is a nice happenstance.
In an earlier post I mentioned that if I had gotten 1 more mark out of a thousand, I would have gotten the same as Sue and we would have drawn for the allocation of a Ph.D. stipend. Had I gotten two more marks I would have stayed at UCL and become an Inorganic Chemist / Raman spectroscopist and whole swath of things which have happened may never have happened. There was an outside chance that I could have been nudged back later via a subsequent postdoctoral position in Raman spectroscopy. There was a timeline and a trajectory back to where I spent 13 years of my life, if this bifurcation of path had happened.
If you spend 13 years then that could be fate at work
In a dream fragment today, someone told me that I was undermarked in my exams and that if I go to the UCL desk they will retrospectively offer me a first-class degree. Time’s arrow isn’t really like that.
It is impossible to undo what has been done.
One could posit that the adjustment bureau, or whatever, is nudging me back towards technology. There is a real problem with this because I have forgotten vast tracts of stuff and my mind is not as agile and receptive as perhaps it once was. Even if I am nudged back, I doubt that I am capable now.
Various people over the years have offered me an opinion about my fate. All of them have been significantly off.
At the present point in time, I can see no alternative pathways to the one that I am on. We have five years on our sejour cards.
This blog is up for renewal soon, so I am going to have to decide what to do about it. There is a part of me which senses that this blog makes certain others uncomfortable, and they may wish it to disappear.
It is easy enough to vanish it.
As I mentioned earlier a small thing like a letter from Japan could pivot my entire existence.
Something, maybe the adjustment bureau, could adjust our trajectory back toward some fate, unknown to and not sensed by me.
Life is weird, shit happens and then you die.