Renunciation

I have renounced or surrendered many things over the years.

The only quotation that comes anywhere near close is from Gibran

“Too many fragments of the spirit have I scattered in these streets, and too many are the children of my longing that walk naked among these hills, and I cannot withdraw from them without a burden and an ache.

It is not a garment I cast off this day, but a skin that I tear with my own hands.”

In so many cases I poured my heart and my soul into something only to be required to renounce it.

Most people would say that I was wasteful, few would understand. Most would see it that I abandoned or deserted them, they would be angry and upset with me. Few would see self-less-ness. Others might imagine me running away from responsibility, my duty, according to them. People get pissed off when you do not do what they want or expect.

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I renounced my “leading” role in a new age group.

I renounced my shares in a start-up company which I was a major impetus behind.

I renounced a marriage and a very young child.

I renounced a relationship which was, at the time, profound

I renounced my career as an academic and with it any social position, power and kudos.

I renounced the suite of team and personal development courses that I engineered.

I renounced an 8000 euro a month tax free job at a space agency.

I renounced any contact with the child mentioned above. Her mother never forgave me for the money, she saw dollar signs in her eyes, when I mentioned the job above.

I renounced contact with my biological mother and family.

I did puja for her when she died.

There is no way that I can even begin to convey the harshness and severity of these renunciations. I was fully conscious doing them and each one of them ripped me asunder, tore me, severed me, cut me to the core.

And then I was severed for the second time.

They tell me that I am not coming back, ever…

That perhaps is yet another aspect…