Risk Adjusted Life Expectancy 62.23 years…

– otherwise, it is about 82 according to an internet-based calculator. I am currently 56.75 years old.

We have just been up to town for the wife to pick up her glasses. As is common the length of arm decreases with age. I sat in the car waiting outside the vampire shop, where they do blood tests. I saw a continuous stream of white-haired people pop into the shop to pick up their results. The life expectancy in France is one of the highest but I am an import so to speak. People around here are not so prone to hair dyeing as they are say in Surrey. It is OK to be grey or white. The average physique is small and wiry built for stamina as opposed to front row rugby forward. By colouring I blend by physique less so.

I was contemplating that if everything stays as it is, I will be making two to three visits a year to the vampire shop, just like the others. It is my local one. The doctors here like their lab work done on a regular basis. I got to wondering how many visits I have left. In a few years’ time would there be another man in a right-hand drive car watching me go in and pick up my results? If I follow Harry, my maternal grandfather, I’ll keep a splash of darkness in my hair until clog popping time comes along. I am not following my own father as I still have hair.

{That reminds me I need to remind the G.P. about the carcinoembryonic antigen test next time we visit.}

I sat there and in the ~ 40 minutes wait I saw seven non Brittany registered cars drive by. Looks like the anti-plague migration is still happening we are down to 56 cases per 100,000 now. That means that there is a 0.056 per cent chance of meeting an infected person in a naïve reckoning. I don’t meet many at all so the risk of covid mortality is low as we live in isolation. Vaccinate or not? I am still pretty ambivalent.

I have no plans to do anything other than garden, DIY, blog, cook, go for walkies etc. So, it looks very much that everything will stay the same and I will be joining the vampire shop visitors list for the foreseeable future. How many visits left is an unanswerable question.


Death Quotes

To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life; foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent.


Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there’s a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room, I shall be able to see.

Helen Keller

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.

Albert Pike

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

Mark Twain

I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.

J. Robert Oppenheimer

While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.

Leonardo da Vinci

The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.

William Penn

Dying is easy, it’s living that scares me to death.

Annie Lennox

I had seen birth and death but had thought they were different.

T. S. Eliot

Millions long for immortality who don’t know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Susan Ertz

The idea is to die young as late as possible.

Ashley Montagu

The timing of death, like the ending of a story, gives a changed meaning to what preceded it.

Mary Catherine Bateson

Death is not an end, but a transition-crisis. All the forms of decay are but masks of regeneration–the secret alembics of vitality.

E. H. Chapin

Death is a great revealer of what is in a man, and in its solemn shadow appear the naked lineaments of the soul.

E. H. Chapin

Death ends at last the fear of it.

Edward Counsel

With death comes honesty.

Salman Rushdie

Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force.


Activities Immediately After Death

Immediately after death, and particularly if cremation has taken place, the man, in his kama-manasic body, is as much aware and alert to his environment as he was upon the physical plane when alive. This phrasing permits latitude as to the extent of the awareness and of observation, for a similar latitude must be allowed for those on the physical plane. People are not all equally awake or equally conscious of circumstances or immediate experience. However, as most people are more conscious emotionally than they are physically, and live to a great extent focused in their astral vehicles, the man is quite familiar with the state of consciousness in which he finds himself. Forget not that a plane is essentially a state of consciousness and not a locality, as so many esotericism seem to think. It is recognized by the focused reaction of the self-conscious person who – constantly and distinctly aware of himself – is sentient to the theme of his environment and of his outgoing desires, or (where advanced people are concerned, functioning upon the more advanced levels of the astral plane) sentient of outgoing love and aspiration; the man is engrossed with what engrossed his attention and involved the kamic principle during his incarnated experience. May I again remind you that there is now no physical brain to respond to impacts generated by the inner man, and also that sex, as it is physically understood, is non-existent. Spiritualists would do well to remember this and so grasp the foolishness as well as the impossibility of those spiritual marriages which certain schools of thought in the movement teach and practice. The man, in his astral body, is now free from the strictly animal impulses which, upon the physical plane, are both normal and right, but which now have no meaning to him in his kamic body.

Therefore, taking the average man, what are his first reactions and activities after the restitution of the physical body to the universal reservoir of substance? Let me enumerate some of these reactions:

  1. He becomes consciously aware of himself. This involves a clarity of perception unknown to the average man whilst in physical incarnation.
  2. Time (being the succession of events as registered by the physical brain) is now non-existent as we understand the term, and – as the man turns his attention to his more clearly defined emotional self – there ensues invariably a moment of direct soul contact. This is due to the fact that even in the case of the most ignorant and undeveloped man, the moment of complete restitution does not pass unnoticed by the soul. It has a definite soul effect, something like a long and strong pull at a bell rope, if I might use so simple a simile. For a brief second the soul responds, and the nature of the response is such that the man, standing in his astral body, or rather in his kama-manasic vehicle, sees the experience of the past incarnation spread before him like a map. He records a sense of timelessness.
  3. As a result of the recognition of these experiences, the man isolates those three which were the three major conditioning factors in the life which has gone and which also hold the keys to his future incarnation which he will next initiate. All else is forgotten, and all the lesser experiences fade out of his memory, leaving nothing in his consciousness but what are esoterically called “the three seeds or germs of the future”. These three seeds are in a peculiar manner related to the permanent physical and astral atoms, and thus produce the fivefold force which will create the forms later to appear. It might be said that:
    • Seed One determines later the nature of the physical environment in which the returning man will find his place. It is related to the quality of that future environment and thus conditions the needed field or area of contact.
    • Seed Two determines the quality of the etheric body as a vehicle through which the ray forces can make contact with the dense physical body. It delimits the etheric structure or vital web along which the incoming energies will circulate and is related in particular to the special one of the seven centers which will be the most active and alive during the coming incarnation.
    • Seed Three gives the key to the astral vehicle in which the man will be polarized in the next incarnation. Forget not, I am dealing here with the average man and not with the advanced human being, disciple or initiate. It is this seed which – through the forces it attracts – brings the man again into relation with those he previously loved or with whom he had close contact. It can be accepted as a fact that the group idea governs subjectively all incarnations, and that reincarnated man is brought into incarnation not only through his own desire for physical plane experience, but also under group impulse and in line with the group karma as well as with his own. This is a point which should receive more emphasis. Once this is truly grasped and understood, a great deal of the fear engendered by the thought of death would disappear. The familiar and the loved will still remain the familiar and the loved, because the relation has been closely established over many incarnations and – as the Old Commentary expresses it:

“These seeds of determining recognition are not unique to me and you, but also for the group; within the group they relate one to the other in time and space. Only in the lower three shall those related find their true existence. When soul knows soul and in the meeting-place within the Master’s call, these seeds shall disappear.”

It will be apparent, therefore, how necessary it is to train children to recognize and profit by experience, for this, once learnt, will greatly facilitate this third activity upon the astral plane after death.

  1. Having completed this “isolating of experience,” the man will then seek and automatically find those whom the third seed influence indicates as possessing a constant part in the group experience of which he is an element, consciously or unconsciously. The relation once again established (if those sought have not yet eliminated the physical body), the man acts as he would on earth in the company of his intimates and according to his temperament and point in evolution. If those who are closest to him and whom he deeply loves or hates are still in physical incarnation, he will also seek them out and – just again as he did on earth – he will remain in their neighborhood, aware of their activities, though (unless highly evolved) they will not be aware of his. I can give no detail as to reciprocal give and take or to the modes and methods of contact. Each person differs; each temperament is largely unique. I only seek to make clear certain basic lines of behavior pursued by man prior to the act or acts of elimination.

These four activities cover varying periods of time – from the angle of “those who live below,” though there is no time recognized on the part of the man on the astral plane. Gradually the lure and glamor (of a low or high order) wears off, and the man enters into the stage where he knows – because the mind is now more incisive and dominating – that he is ready for the second death and for the entire elimination of the kamic body or of the kama-manasic vehicle.

One of the things to remember here is that once restitution of the physical in its two aspects has taken place, the inner man is, as I have earlier said, fully conscious. The physical brain and the swirl of etheric forces (mostly somewhat disorganized in the case of the majority of men) are no longer present. These are the two factors which have led students to believe that the experiences of the man on the inner planes of the three worlds are those of a vague drifting, of a semi-conscious experience, or indicate a repetitive life, except in the case of very advanced people or disciples and initiates. But this is not the case. A man on the inner planes is not only as conscious of himself as an individual – with his own plans, life and affairs – as he was on the physical plane, but he is also conscious in the same manner of the surrounding states of consciousness. He may be glamored by astral existence or subject to the telepathic impression of the varying thought currents emanating from the mental plane, but he is also conscious of himself and of his mind (or of the measure of manasic life developed) in a far more potent manner than when he had to work through the medium of the physical brain, when the focus of his consciousness was that of the aspirant, but anchored in the brain. His experience is far richer and fuller than he ever knew when in incarnation. If you will think this out for a little, you will realize that this necessarily would be so.

It may therefore be assumed that the Art of Elimination is practiced more definitely and more effectively than was the restitution of the physical vehicle. Another point must also be considered. On the inner side, men know that the Law of Rebirth governs the experience-process of physical plane living, and they realize then that, prior to the elimination of the kamic, kama-manasic or manasic bodies, they are only passing through an interlude between incarnations and that they consequently face two great experiences:

  1. A moment (long or short, according to the attained point in evolution) wherein contact will be made with the soul or with the solar angel.
  2. After that contact, a relatively violent reorientation to earth life takes place, leading to what is called “the process of descent and calling,” wherein the man:
    • Prepares for physical incarnation again.
    • Sounds his own true note into the substance of the three worlds.
    • Revitalizes the permanent atoms, which form a triangle of force within the causal body.
    • Gathers together the needed substance to form his future bodies of manifestation.
    • Colors them with the qualities and characteristics he has already achieved through life-experience.
    • On the etheric plane arranges the substance of his vital body so that the seven centers take shape and can become the recipients of the inner forces.
    • Makes a deliberate choice of those who will provide him with the needed dense physical covering, and then awaits the moment of incarnation. Esoteric students would do well to remember that parents only donate the dense physical body. They contribute naught else save a body of a particular quality and nature which will provide the needed vehicle of contact with the environment demanded by the incarnating soul. They may also provide a measure of group relationship, where the soul experience is long and a true group relation has been established.

These two critical moments are consciously faced by the discarnate man and he knows what he is doing within the limits set by his point in evolution.


 Excerpted from “Esoteric Healing – Chapter VI – The Art of Elimination”

By Alice Bailey & Djwhal Khul

A Visitation?

In the early hours of this morning, I had an experience which was a bit like a dream but not a dream.

It is to an extent continuing now. There is a presence.

A came to visit, I have spoken to her once in 12 years and that was when she rang me out of the blue to say that someone else, J, had died.

The sense is that A has passed away and fairly recently so. She has come visit to apologise for the part she played in some kind of pact over a decade ago. She has brought J with her though he is much fainter having passed longer.

Through her I can see a meeting in which she and J are sat with two other people I know / knew. In that meeting shenanigans are afoot.

This is not the first time I have had “visits” like this.

My grandfather came to check out how I was doing, no sense of guilt in him only curiosity.

Theoretically it is not the reincarnating Ego or Soul that visits, it is the remnants of one of the lower vehicles still tenuously connected to the Soul and imbued by it. The more form obsessed a being is the longer it lingers in the in between.

At death we cut the crap and see all our BS and wrongdoings for what they are so that we can “plan” our next birth. The Soul wants to work off karma even if the personality does not.

I’ll look out for an obituary to see if this experience has any reality to it.

Hmm  weird start to the day.

Above the Crown Chakra

Sutratma (devanāgarī: सूत्रात्मन् sūtrātman) is a Sanskrit word composed by sūtra (“thread”) and ātman (“self”), usually translated as the “thread-soul”.

H.P. Blavatsky defined it as follows:

Sûtrâtman (Sk.). Lit., “the thread of spirit”; the immortal Ego, the Individuality which incarnates in men one life after the other, and upon which are strung, like beads on a string, his countless Personalities. The universal life-supporting air, Samashti prau; universal energy

sutratma or life thread of the antahkarana

Antahkarana (devanāgarī: अन्तःकरण Antaḥkaraṇa) is a Sanskrit term that means “internal organ”. In Hindu philosophy it refers to the totality of the mind, including the thinking faculty, memory, the sense of I-ness, and the discriminating faculty.

In Theosophy the term is used with a special meaning that differs from the Hindu. According to H. P. Blavatsky the antahkarana is an aspect or function of the lower mind that retains its original purity, active whenever there is a spiritual aspiration. It is, figuratively speaking, a “path” or “bridge” that acts as a two-way communication. Through antahkarana the spiritual influence of the higher manas is conveyed to the personality, and all good and noble activity of the lower manas can reach the higher, to be assimilated in Devachan


I mentioned in an earlier post that during the rājā yoga visualisation I constructed for myself the buddhic and atmic sheaths. The idea being that should I be able eventually to raise my consciousness above the mental plane onto the buddhic and then atmic plane I would need to keep my awareness in a “bag” otherwise it would dissipate, perhaps to the point of death.

Also, in daily working at elevating consciousness I built elasticity into the sutratma and antahkarana. The thinking being here that they should not experience plastic deformation or snap.  

Having built the jewel in the centre of the lotus, opened it to reveal the jewel. Om mane padme hum. I then took my awareness above it to observe the monadic light arriving along the central channel onto the prismatic jewel. Following this channel up one reaches the thousand petalled lotus jewel. Which acts like a manhole cover keeping the awareness inside the human bag so to speak. The bag of soft wet matter which is our temporary abode.  I figured that if I followed the phowa of death and opened the crown chakra, I might be able to explore beyond the form.

There is a big caveat should the sutratma and/or antahkarana snap I would deep in the do-do and/or dead.


It is possible to start to “unscrew” the crown chakra. By this I mean start to apply mental torque to it, just as if it was a manhole cover. At first it does not budge but after many weeks it does. When it is “unscrewed” it is possible to elevate the manhole cover. At first only a little.

IMPERATIVE If you unscrew the cover and elevate it you must meticulously reverse all the actions you have taken. What goes up must come down by exactly the same root.

Once I had managed to do this with some control I began taking my consciousness out and above the manhole. At first this was very difficult, and I did it in tiny little steps. A tiny bit further each day so as to do a yoga stretch with the sutratma and the antahkarana.  In time I could get sufficiently above the crown chakra so as to see it from above. Let me say this, it looks pretty damn splendid.

When I got my cancer diagnosis I worked on this over and over. Just in case clog popping time was imminent. Or in case I got stage four. I figured I might be able to check out myself rather than go to Dignitas if things got bad or unbearable. I have rehearsed my own death, which might sound morbid but is pretty practical really.

I know what it feels like out there, so I have no fear of being dead. Dying could be tad painful but being dead is OK.

When we went into town yesterday the manhole cover in the road outside the pharmacy was up and some dudes were doing something down there. A manhole cover does not sound so glamorous as a thousand petalled lotus, but the analogy works from one angle.

The Art of Dying

Fear of Death

 The fear of death is based upon:

  1. A terror of the final rending processes in the act of death itself.
  2. Horror of the unknown and the indefinable.
  3. Doubt as to final immortality. {This means not having to become mortal again}
  4. Unhappiness at leaving loved ones behind or of being left behind.
  5. Ancient reactions to past violent deaths, lying deep in the consciousness.
  6. Clinging to form life, because primarily identified with it in consciousness.
  7. Old erroneous teaching as to Heaven and Hell, both equally unpleasant in prospect to certain types.

 {comments in these are mine }

{Many are experiencing “violent” deaths at this point in time thanks to the virus}

The Art of Dying

A Treatise on White Magic:

    The soul, seated in the heart, is the life principle, the principle of self-determination, the central nucleus of positive energy by means of which all the atoms of the body are held in their right place and subordinated to the “will-to-be” of the soul. This principle of life utilizes the blood stream as its mode of expression and as its controlling agency, and through the close relation of the endocrine system to the blood stream, we have the two aspects of soul activity brought together in order to make man a living, conscious, functioning entity, governed by the soul, and expressing the purpose of the soul in all the activities of daily living.

    Death, therefore, is literally the withdrawal from the heart and from the head of these two streams of energy, producing consequently complete loss of consciousness and disintegration of the body. Death differs from sleep in that both streams of energy are withdrawn. In sleep, only the thread of energy which is anchored in the brain is withdrawn, and when this happens the man becomes unconscious. By this we mean that his consciousness or sense of awareness is focused elsewhere. His attention is no longer directed towards things tangible and physical, but is turned upon another world of being and becomes centered in another apparatus or mechanism. In death, both the threads are withdrawn or unified in the life thread. Vitality ceases to penetrate through the medium of the blood stream and the heart fails to function, just as the brain fails to record, and thus silence settles down. The house is empty. Activity ceases, except that amazing and immediate activity which is the prerogative of matter itself and which expresses itself in the process of decomposition. From certain aspects, therefore, that process indicates man’s unity with everything that is material; it demonstrates that he is a part of nature itself, and by nature we mean the body of the one Life in Whom “we live and move and have our being.” In those three words – living, moving and being – we have the entire story. Being is awareness, self-consciousness and self-expression, and of this man’s head and brain are the exoteric symbols. Living is energy, desire in form, coherence and adhesion to an idea, and of this the heart and the blood are the exoteric symbols. Moving indicates the integration and response of the existing, aware, living entity into the universal activity, and of this the stomach, pancreas and liver are the symbols.

    It must be noted also that death is, therefore, undertaken at the direction of the Ego {indwelling Soul in this context}, no matter how unaware a human being may be of that direction. The process works automatically with the majority, for (when the soul withdraws its attention) the inevitable reaction on the physical plane is either death, by the abstraction of the dual threads of life and reason energy, or by the abstraction of the thread of energy which is qualified by mentality, leaving the life stream still functioning through the heart, but no intelligent awareness. The soul is engaged elsewhere and occupied on its own plane with its own affairs.

    – Pages 496-497.

    Before I take up this subject in greater detail I would like to make some reference to the “web in the brain,” which is intact for the majority but is non-existent for the illumined seer.

    In the human body, as you know, we have an underlying, extensive vital body which is the counterpart of the physical, which is larger than the physical and which we call the etheric body or double. It is an energy body and is composed of force centers and nadis or force threads. These underlie or are the counterparts of the nervous apparatus – the nerves and the nerve ganglia. In two places in the human body there are orifices of exit, if I may use so cumbersome a phrase. One opening is in the solar plexus and the other is in the brain at the top of the head. Protecting both is a closely woven web of etheric matter, composed of interlacing strands of life energy.

    During the process of death the pressure of the life energy beating against the web produces eventually a puncturing or opening. Out of this the life force pours as the potency of the abstracting influence of the soul increases. In the case of animals, of infants and of men and women who are polarized entirely in the physical and astral bodies, the door of exit is the solar plexus, and it is that web which is punctured, thus permitting the passing out. In the case of mental types, of the more highly evolved human units, it is the web at the top of the head in the region of the fontanel which is ruptured, thus again permitting the exit of the thinking rational being.

    In the process of death these are, therefore, the two main exits: the solar plexus for the astrally polarized, physically biased human being, and therefore of the vast majority, and the head center for the mentally polarized and spiritually oriented human being. This is the first and most important factor to remember, and it will easily be seen how the trend of a life tendency and the focus of the life attention determine the mode of exit at death. It can be seen also that an effort to control the astral life and the emotional nature, and to orient one’s self to the mental world and to spiritual things, has a momentous effect upon the phenomenal aspects of the death process.

    If the student is thinking clearly, it will be apparent to him that one exit concerns the spiritual and highly evolved man, whilst the other concerns the low grade human being who has scarcely advanced beyond the animal stage. What then of the average man? A third exit is now in temporary use; just below the apex of the heart another etheric web is found covering an orifice of exit. We have, therefore, the following situation:

  • The exit in the head, used by the intellectual type, by the disciples and initiates of the world.
  • The exit in the heart, used by the kindly, well-meaning man or woman who is a good citizen, an intelligent friend and a philanthropic worker.
  • The exit in the region of the solar plexus, used by those whose animal nature is strong.

    This is the first point in the new information which will slowly become common knowledge in the West during the next century. Much of it is already known by thinkers in the East and is in the nature of a first step towards a rational understanding of the death process.

Excerpted from:

Esoteric Healing – Chapter V – The Process of Restitution

Alice Bailey & Djwhal Khul

Karma and Denial

Bearing in mind that Karma, loosely defined, is the causal effect of words, thoughts and deeds, there are very many who do not, nor will not, accept responsibility for their actions. They deny the possibility that such a thing as Karma exists. They, in effect, choose not to see how their behaviour impacts upon the world and carry on as if they have the right to do exactly how they please, as and when it suits them. Isolated in their all important world they see themselves as separate from it, where it should do their whim. Even when they start to suspect this orientation is not entirely accurate, they persist in it. They are mostly in denial.

Karma chips away at denial.

That great stone bastion of denial is difficult to shift and even the most obdurate of beings has moments of regret, where they wish they had acted differently. This is because outcome is undeniable, how this outcome is reached, is subject to interpretation. In the face of outcome many dress the path to this outcome in ways which paint themselves not responsible. The apportioning of blame to others is one of many strategies beings adopt so as not to face up to, what it is, they have done. The stories they tell become ever more convoluted. People strive to be Teflon coated, rare is the individual who holds their hands up.

Denial is both a sprint and a Marathon.

People rush to deny, absolve and extricate themselves from responsibility and often go;

“Phew, I got away with that….”

They do this to others and to themselves. Put in other words, people lie to themselves. They are so accustomed to doing this that they may not be aware that they are denying. Yet at some level all note a slight jarring each time they do it. The level of that jarring fades as people become ever more inured. They even deny that jarring feeling. Yet underneath a discomfort or dis-ease simmers away. Continued denial leads to loss of self worth and a lowering of self esteem. People seek out more and more escapisms so as to run away from that which they are denying. They often self medicate to dull things out.

Constant denial can lead to crisis.

If things are suppressed and buried for long, pressure mounts. Instead of the mild discomfort which might have come from taking responsibility, the being can precipitate a genuine crisis.

Karma then, by simply being causal effect builds a case against denial. Slowly and persistently the outcomes mount. The significance and scale of outcome, escalate. If the being does not take note and change their ways, the snowball effect continues.

Denial causes Karma, which prompts more denial; more Karma accumulates. Eventually denial is untenable.

On a mountainside there are few who can outrun a snowball as it bears down upon them, even fewer who can escape an avalanche. Beings are often in a rush to deny and escape from their accumulated Karma; Karma however is rarely in a rush, it has momentum and keeps on going, forever. Once something has been caused to move, it does not stop. If you are ever stuck on a snowy mountain and an avalanche starts, there is little point in trying to deny the reality of the circumstance, in which you find yourself.

In our current blame culture denial is a knee jerk reaction for most. Little thought is given to the stamina needed to perist in this denial and posturing. For denial often opens the doorway to further mistruth and misdirection. The being then has to keep going all the way to the finish line, the coffin. Most though run out of steam long before the grim reaper knocks at their door. Their Karma catches up with them, their now untenable denial fades in its surety and some semblance of clarity penetrates their deliberate obfuscation. Not only have they not taken responsibility for their actions but they have lied about it to themselves and others. Such Autumnal thoughts rarely bring ease to the suffering being as their years here draw to a close. They realize that they have SPENT much of their lives, denying, running and lying. Karma has taught and maybe, these lessons carry on into a new birth, one less stubborn and deceitful.

Denial, even in the face of death, is stupid. Karma has marked you and you are not reborn with a clean slate. As the vehicle is vacated it no longer has the power to deny and whether the being likes it or not, it is shown, and in Technicolor, the outcomes of all its actions, words and thoughts. If you don’t learn the lesson in this lifetime, then sure enough in a subsequent life you will, maybe after having faced many lifetimes of denial in between.

Denial is a form of suffering!

Living a life in denial does not ever bring bliss, nor peace, nor happiness. Denial creates tension and stress. The being may not be fully overtly aware, yet that tension is real and present, in all who deny.

Has denial ever brought me a long lasting sense of well being and peace?

Has it uplifted my beingness and that of those around me?


To conjure back normal

Outside the barricades

The masked avengers

Speak silver bullets

And magic wands

To conjure back normal


While corpses pile high

A daub of lamb’s blood

Won’t keep this angel at bay

All those kill joy

And Inconvenient truths


Unwilling to see

Ostriching in the sand

What happens when

The money runs out

And the mint stops to print


Is reality a problem?

Way too much real

For us to handle

Let’s spin until we’re dizzy

Upside, chin up old boy


Too much reality

Mummy, make it stop

Take that cup away

I will not drink

Its viral load


Outside the barricades

The masked avengers

Speak silver bullets

And magic wands

To conjure back normal

More Lockdown Cycles

Despite all the hype about non-approved vaccines I am guessing that we will have at least one more lockdown-release cycle. Two could be likely, three possible and maybe there will be a bit of a gap for spring summer 2021, before a fourth in autumn.

It is strange, you see the number of cases reported being mindful of the subsequent mortality. Based on the average number here in France for every fifty reported cases one person dies. When you look at it like that the odds ain’t so good.

In the USA they are reporting ~150,000 cases a day which is over 3000 more deaths to come, each day. That is a lot of death.

You can see COVID-19 fatigue in the news where the reporters latch on to any faint glimmer of hope. Nobody in power has the bollocks to say that we will not be going back to normal and Santa obviously cannot be allowed to be a super spreader. What if SARS-CoV-2 mutates in deer and elves? We must save Christmas!!

Here the discussion in the French financial news is turning around to the idea that people will have to choose which businesses to save, simply because there is not enough money to save them all. It will come to that. Being idealistic and hoping for the best is a tad like burying one’s head in the sand.

Looking at the data here, there is likely to be a release soon, maybe in four weeks’ time…seems to me the idea is that one cannot stop the death just manage when it occurs…keep the hospitals from being completely overwhelmed.

Yeah, my prediction is for at least one more lockdown-release cycle, possibly two before spring 21.

Tides of Life

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

Quentin Crisp


When I was young

I was urgent

though immortal,

nothing could harm me


When I was in between

I was surprised

that I was

still living


When I wanted to die

I was sad

that it would

not come, fast


When that passed

I was bemused

and unsure,

a foal dancing on ice


Now that I am older

I am less scared

of dying, than I was,

I know how to skate


Now that I am immortal

I am scared

of living,

way too long