What a Whirlwind Week!

It is cold and windy outside. I have gotten drenched with rain and hail. The log burner is now up to temperature. There are multiple incense sticks burning. There is a glass of Sauvignon Blanc next to the mouse mat. To my left are the detailed 18F-FDG PET scan reports which I have been trying to interpret and translate. I think I have the gist of them now.

Well probably more than that. I can understand medical journal articles. Sometimes comprehension is a curse and not a blessing.

At the hospital, face mask on, with my alcohol gel washed hands I went to the wife’s now calm single room and set up the 4G box for a Skype call with her concerned brother. I had summarised the findings to him the night before. We can do comms from there, from that sanitised place. Comms operational. You have to wear a mask to see someone with an advanced cancer. It is protocol don’t you now.

Foxtrot foxtrot sierra!

It was only last Sunday that I took her into A&E. What a week! After removal of shit loads of liquid from her lungs again, her oxygenation is above 96%.

She is off to the University Hospital in Rennes next week. So, I might treat myself to a really nice hotel room so that I can visit in style. I know how to do hotels. Rennes is 140km from here. I might rent a gite, later on.

The bloody car already knows the way to the hospital. I don’t have to drive it; it goes there on its own by autopilot.

When I arrive usually at 1pm, 1.5 legs lady is sat in her wheelchair by the front door having an after-dinner smoke. We will perhaps be saying tu to each other soon…

Big sigh…

They don’t do afternoon tea or cucumber sandwiches here.

So, I will take the French coffee press, some finest Brazilian ground coffee, and a kettle.

I’ll smell the damn place out with some fresh gourmet damn fine coffee!!

I had better have something to eat…now.

Chilli chicken and pilau rice, methinks.

On the Phone Hook

My life has changed in a strange way since the wife was hospitalized. I am now on the ‘phone hook so to speak. I listen out for messages and even answer the ‘phone if it rings. Normally it is the wife who answers the ‘phone because who ever is calling will be speaking in French.

I even pick the ‘phone up from time to time to check for messages.

This is something I have not done for nearly three years.

It is weird just like everybody else I am beholden to a piece of silicon-based technology.

No wonder relaxation is not all that common.

I even know where the ‘phone is.

So, until a week ago I had not had a personal ‘phone call in three years.


Feeling Like an Alien

I’ll speculate that many other people have at one time or another, felt like an alien, an outsider and perhaps from another planet. For whatever reason there is a feeling of not belonging.

I didn’t realise that I was an introvert until I did Myers Briggs and suddenly a whole bunch of stuff made sense. Prior to this when I was told that I was a dreamer and not a stalker it made sense.

Human mind and in my opinion, specifically scientifically trained mind, is pretty damn closed. It is resistant to anything which outlies current doctrine. It can speculate on there being alien life, but it tends to cast it in a form of human image, perhaps reptilian but certainly corporeal. It imagines carbon based cellular life forms. Science would be very unwilling to accept that a causal vehicle from another solar system could travel from there and incarnate into a human embryo.

If there is no body, no matter, why would such a thing be impossible?

Humans are pretty stuck in energy, space, time and matter. These are the cultural bedrocks of the perhaps illusory reality shared across the common view of the world. The world is interpreted by humanity from a perspective that is IN matter. The means, the apparatus of interpretation is biological, meaty and material.

To suggest that consciousness exists outside of matter is an anathema to a material obsessed and meaty being. The meat does not like such a concept even if it has a Ph.D. and is a Fellow of the Royal society. “It is simply not possible old chap!”

I first felt like an alien when aged 5 in an experimental hippie primary school in Bristol I learned chess. Once I had learned the rules sufficiently and was able to beat my father, I lost interest. I had understood the concept, subsequent victory was boring.

A couple of years later in the Mount Isa Mines School I was a pom with a Bristle accent. They deducted multiple marks from my schoolwork for my scruffy handwriting. I thought that this was petty and ill-founded. The content was OK, the presentation not. I lost respect for my so-called teachers. I thought they were small minded. As a result, I was close to bottom in my class. When a babysitter asked who was the smartest in my class, I said me. This got out and I was bullied as a result. I doubt anyone else from that class got a Ph.D. at The Royal Institution of Great Britain / University College London.

There are multiple instances of my alien nature which I could bore you with.

I incarnated to extrovert parents and an extroverted sibling. They thought I was shy. My most abiding memory was, “Please for foxtrots sake can you just shut the foxtrot up for once in your lives? Pretty please with sugar on.”

I learned sometimes painfully to become a chameleon.

Now here is the real funny bit, when you tell people that you are a chameleon, they don’t believe you!! They think that you are actually like the behaviours you are mirroring / reflecting for them so as to blend in.

When we came here 18 million years ago from Sirius…

Do you ever feel like you are an Alien stranded here amongst this odd species which denotes itself homo sapiens?

Rendez-vous Avec Fluorodeoxyglucose (18F)

Well at last it seems that the wife is going to have a rendezvous with some Fluorodeoxyglucose (18F) next week. She will have many antimatter-matter encounters and produce multiple pairs of 511 keV photons.

This lunchtime we saw the GP and she was kind enough to write up a prescription for a PET scan. Then just as I had finished preparing the document set for the Swiss clinic, the ‘phone went.

We had mentioned that we might go to Switzerland or the UK for the scan to the GP and then two hours later the appointment arrived.

So, we should have data for the oncologist and a better idea of what is transpiring in about ten days from now.

It does not matter now if I get a ResearchGate account or not. No need to pursue it then.

We have a prescription to pick up from the Pharmacist. If it is 18-FDG it will be on appointment day, the half life is short.

Seems a bit odd to send the 18-FDG to the pharmacist. Perhaps the prescription is for more Iodine based CT contrast agent. While the wife is in the machine, they could do both types of scan.

Another weird roller coaster day…

It is all a bit Blade Runner

Looks like private medicine is now something of a global business. People are even expanding into the lucrative and evolving China market.

I never knew that a refferal was a legal document…until now…

This says my arse is well and truly covered if anything goes wrong with the scan…You asked for it, not me…I’ll get my wiggy barrista friend to defend me in the highest court {star-bucks of which I have plenty} and if I bung the Tory party £3mill. I can become a splendid peer of the realm to boot. Hoorah…

Hippocratic Oath or Hypocritic Oath?

Foxtrot…Foxtrot Foxtrot Sierra..

What a “brave” new world it is in which we are living…

I will cover my arse, you however {pleb} can die of cancer…off you trot now….

At least I will still be able to put my head far up my own arse after your passing…

The Magic Key

This morning I have two quick responses one from Cheltenham and one from close to Geneva. The latter clinic has a view of Lac Leman and Mt Blanc.

It seems the magic key is a prescription or referral from a consultant. I can’t write one myself. 😦

On receipt of such a magic key we could book a PET / CT scan in 5-10 days at Cheltenham and 14 days in Geneva.

Without the magic key we get to keep the ~£2500 which we might otherwise spend.

Strangely in terms of travel Geneva is easier than blighty even though blighty is much closer as the crow flies.

I have just been on the blower to Switzerland…

The clinic by Lac Leman looks bang tidy!

Time to clean up some leaves now….

The Calm Before the Storm?

I have been getting this feeling on and off today. Is this the calm before the storm?

I mean this not just locally for us, but more globally.

We may have to spring into action on the healthcare front. I have not heard anything about my patent application for a long time and there was that dream about various London based academics gathering around a table to offer me a job. When you have been exposed to someone’s mind-set one knows the kind of thing that makes “sense” to them.

A mind-set is just that a set mind, leopards do not lose their spots.

It looks like the brown stuff is starting to hit the fan in Eastern Europe.

There may well be a mass humanitarian crisis in Afghanistan, Madagascar etc.

Inflationary pressures will start to cause interest rates to rise from nothing towards something more painful.

We have a river, a log burner and a pile of logs. The roof looks in pretty good condition.

The climate change summit agreement was not exactly radical.

The Franco-English cod war has gone temporarily quiet…

Article 16…

Biden telephones the Irish rugby team to congratulate them on what was a brilliant performance.

The European Covid numbers are heading upwards towards the British ones…

Over five million dead… what pandemic?  

Everything is hunky-dory let’s get back to “normal”.

Let’s just squabble and fuss and fight and bicker just like we always do….

Reading Cancer Literature, Modus Operandi, and The Pond

Yesterday we did a lot of pond maintenance which involved cutting back the dying irises and reeds. As a result, we had a full trailer, and the pond is starting to look like a navy marine recruit after their first buzz cut, we are about 80% done. We took the trailer to the tip this morning so we are good to go and can perhaps finish the autumn buzz cut tomorrow.

If you work with people over a period of a decade or more you come to understand their modus operandi, their way of thinking and their parameter space of how they view the world. Such a modus does not change that much over time and it becomes predictable even boring. Some people imagine that the offer of money is so tempting as to be irresistible. This is because they project their mindset and “values” on to others. They imagine that an agreed corporate “solution” will be an offer which one may not refuse. They will sit round a table in a nice room and make plans for Alan. Maybe they have prepared a fait accompli to offer and manipulate with.

Sierra Sierra Delta Delta

After the biopsy result on Friday, I have been delving deep into the literature on sarcoma. Checking through the histology and genetic markers to understand what they mean. The biopsy was inconclusive, and I need to get my head around the possibilities. Way back when my mother had a biopsy, because she was a smoker, they concluded lung cancer before getting a full evidence set. They were wrong. People always want the bleeding obvious and dogmatic to be true. So many conclude way before it is time to conclude.

Tut tut tut a smoker deserves to die.

Aren’t human beings truly wonderful?

The Biggest Bet of Your Life

Mesdames et messieurs faites vos jeux….

Philosophically speaking the biggest bet you will ever make in your life is perhaps your choice of belief system. This bet will come to fruition at the moment of your death. If you believe in one lifetime only, a brain-based consciousness, when you die you simply cease to be. If you believe in heaven and hell, you will either go to the pearly gates or the barbecue downstairs. If you believe in reincarnation you will return to the abstract bank of souls awaiting another piece of meat. You may or may not have some kind of consciousness when out of meat.

If you are putting your eggs in the pearly / barbecue basket then you are betting that your ill deeds will be small enough to avoid the griddle.

But people don’t think much about this.

If they want to covet, shag themselves stupid or be corrupt, it does not occur to them that they will be assigned to the charcoal. They do not imagine that they will benefit from the karmic “rewards” in a future life. People do whatever it is they want to do and don’t think all that much about the consequences.

I am placing my bet on there being some consciousness after meat death. Why? Because unless I have been totally kidding myself, I have opened the crown chakra and was able to project my consciousness outside of my body. I also know that I can reduce my brainwave activity below the detection limit of a simple frontal lobe electroencephalograph.

People don’t like to think about their own death, it gets in the way of acquisitional materialism.

On what are you placing your bet?

Spiritual Problems

I have long held the notion that some problems or things which need resolution are completely intractable to conventional quasi-political solutions or methods. They do not have a “material” solution.

Whatever it is they are, they cannot be “righted”.

For me it is very stupid to imagine that apologising for a massacre done by a previous government {for example} goes any way to righting a wrong. This kind of problem cannot be solved. The rancour caused must ripple out and will in the fullness of time damp.

Some problems arise because of lack of moral fibre and as consequence cannot be solved using a method which in turn lacks moral fibre. The American notion of giving someone a pay off does not solve the problem it plasters over it. The insult remains. Giving someone some cash and getting them to sign a non-disclosure agreement does not prevent the cause and effect of karma. In fact, this not facing up to, makes it karmically worse. It amplifies the karma.

There are many people who would disagree with my point of view.  They may think, “as long as we can get away with it everything is just dandy.”

We are seeing this sense of entitled corruption playing out currently in British politics. Not many people are talking about moral compass; they are talking about getting away with it or cash, they are concerned that a fellow politician is not punished for his misdemeanours. It is the old, one rule for them and quite another rule for us mentality.

There are some problems that can only be solved by spiritual means.

I mentioned earlier in the blog that I had a long depressive episode, in which I was not a happy bunny. Later on, I worked in pastoral care and spoke at length with many people who also were unhappy / ill. I saw this as karma. I was paying off my karmic dept for being miserable, for making other lives miserable, by helping others with their misery. This is an example of what I mean by a spiritual solution to a spiritual problem. In this putative case my karma.

I suspect that there a whole host of problems simmering all around the globe, when all it would take to “solve” them is to find some moral fire and sufficient courage to enact it. Because people lack the spirit to do this these problems fester like open sores.

People do not like to be inconvenienced even if that darned inconvenience is the truth…

I am not sure that I have verbalized this very well, it is related to another theme “things people don’t like to hear.”

I said earlier on in the blog that in my opinion stopping global warming is impossible within the paradigm of continuous economic growth. We may cross our fingers and hope but how is the world economy going to continue to grow without producing ever more heat?

There will have to be some kind of catastrophe to reverse this growth mantra…

I’ll see if I can dream up a better example of a spiritual problem…