Feeling Like an Alien

I’ll speculate that many other people have at one time or another, felt like an alien, an outsider and perhaps from another planet. For whatever reason there is a feeling of not belonging.

I didn’t realise that I was an introvert until I did Myers Briggs and suddenly a whole bunch of stuff made sense. Prior to this when I was told that I was a dreamer and not a stalker it made sense.

Human mind and in my opinion, specifically scientifically trained mind, is pretty damn closed. It is resistant to anything which outlies current doctrine. It can speculate on there being alien life, but it tends to cast it in a form of human image, perhaps reptilian but certainly corporeal. It imagines carbon based cellular life forms. Science would be very unwilling to accept that a causal vehicle from another solar system could travel from there and incarnate into a human embryo.

If there is no body, no matter, why would such a thing be impossible?

Humans are pretty stuck in energy, space, time and matter. These are the cultural bedrocks of the perhaps illusory reality shared across the common view of the world. The world is interpreted by humanity from a perspective that is IN matter. The means, the apparatus of interpretation is biological, meaty and material.

To suggest that consciousness exists outside of matter is an anathema to a material obsessed and meaty being. The meat does not like such a concept even if it has a Ph.D. and is a Fellow of the Royal society. “It is simply not possible old chap!”

I first felt like an alien when aged 5 in an experimental hippie primary school in Bristol I learned chess. Once I had learned the rules sufficiently and was able to beat my father, I lost interest. I had understood the concept, subsequent victory was boring.

A couple of years later in the Mount Isa Mines School I was a pom with a Bristle accent. They deducted multiple marks from my schoolwork for my scruffy handwriting. I thought that this was petty and ill-founded. The content was OK, the presentation not. I lost respect for my so-called teachers. I thought they were small minded. As a result, I was close to bottom in my class. When a babysitter asked who was the smartest in my class, I said me. This got out and I was bullied as a result. I doubt anyone else from that class got a Ph.D. at The Royal Institution of Great Britain / University College London.

There are multiple instances of my alien nature which I could bore you with.

I incarnated to extrovert parents and an extroverted sibling. They thought I was shy. My most abiding memory was, “Please for foxtrots sake can you just shut the foxtrot up for once in your lives? Pretty please with sugar on.”

I learned sometimes painfully to become a chameleon.

Now here is the real funny bit, when you tell people that you are a chameleon, they don’t believe you!! They think that you are actually like the behaviours you are mirroring / reflecting for them so as to blend in.

When we came here 18 million years ago from Sirius…

Do you ever feel like you are an Alien stranded here amongst this odd species which denotes itself homo sapiens?

Is Human Intelligence an Oxymoron?

This from today’s Guardian.

Prof Stuart Russell says field of artificial intelligence needs to grow up quickly to ensure humans remain in control

“One concern is that a machine would not need to be more intelligent than humans in all things to pose a serious risk. “It’s something that’s unfolding now,” he said. “If you look at social media and the algorithms that choose what people read and watch, they have a huge amount of control over our cognitive input.”

The upshot, he said, is that the algorithms manipulate the user, brainwashing them so that their behaviour becomes more predictable when it comes to what they chose to engage with, boosting click-based revenue.

Have AI researchers become spooked by their own success? “Yeah, I think we are increasingly spooked,” Russell said.

“It reminds me a little bit of what happened in physics where the physicists knew that atomic energy existed, they could measure the masses of different atoms, and they could figure out how much energy could be released if you could do the conversion between different types of atoms,” he said, noting that the experts always stressed the idea was theoretical. “And then it happened and they weren’t ready for it.”

The use of AI in military applications – such as small anti-personnel weapons – is of particular concern, he said. “Those are the ones that are very easily scalable, meaning you could put a million of them in a single truck and you could open the back and off they go and wipe out a whole city,” said Russell.

Russell believes the future for AI lies in developing machines that know the true objective is uncertain, as are our preferences, meaning they must check in with humans – rather like a butler – on any decision. But the idea is complex, not least because different people have different – and sometimes conflicting – preferences, and those preferences are not fixed.

Russell called for measures including a code of conduct for researchers, legislation and treaties to ensure the safety of AI systems in use, and training of researchers to ensure AI is not susceptible to problems such as racial bias. He said EU legislation that would ban impersonation of humans by machines should be adopted around the world.”


This poses the question is human intelligence actually intelligent, sentient and socially well adjusted to the successful, responsible and peaceful cohabitation of a planet? The obvious answer to this is a big fat no! By and large humans are selfish and indulge in planet wrecking acquisitional materialism. This suggests that humans in self-diagnosing themselves as intelligent are creating a satirical an oxymoronic view of themselves as an evolved species. I am unaware of any other species that can be so petty, vengeful, prone to squabbling and bickering and yet imagines itself to be intelligent. We have a very inflated view of ourselves…It doesn’t need AI to invent concentration camps or firebomb entire cities, we can do that all by ourselves.

Are humans in control? Methinks not…

We are digital junkies who cannot go cold turkey. We are hooked to our ‘phones and devices.

I sat in the waiting room at the dentist the other day. There was me and another older geezer with an oxygen tank. We just sat there, relaxed and at ease. Soon two younger beings came in and took up some chairs. Before they had even finished sitting out came their ‘phones. The older geezer turned to me, and we exchanged a look. They were oblivious. They were tense and anxious and could not relax…

What do you think?

Is Human Intelligence an Oxymoron?

The Illusion of Control

Do you control your own fate, your destiny?

Are you in control of the direction of “your” life?

It seems to me that many get mightily upset when things don’t go “their” way.

I remember having a conversation with our French teacher prior to Brexit being “done” and perhaps “dusted”. I said that the whole story / drama / endless saga about fishing rights would drag on way after any “agreement” was made. She and I agreed that this was likely to be the case.

It was so foxtrotting obvious!

{Don’t worry Boris it is just a detail. They are never important when you can build a bridge from Scotland to Norway, using imaginary money which you just don’t have.}

There is no such thing as a binary clean-cut divorce without some ill-will and rankling. The British press are suggesting that the French are sulking, and the French are saying that perfidious Albion is being just as perfidious as ever. You cannot cut with a knife without at least leaving some scar tissue.

We may like to think that we have our shit together, are clever and cunning, and are driving our lives towards the imagined nirvana of our goals and ambitions. But life has a whole bunch of spanners, curve balls etc. in its back pocket which it can at any time unleash. Fate has a whole rucksack full of quirks.

I used to have a trick to demonstrate this a little to groups I was facilitating. On one side of flip chart paper, I had:

“When God sees humans making plans…”

I would ask people to comment on this, it often solicited some strange reactions. Most people would refer to God as He. “If He exists blah, blah…”

On the next piece of paper, it said:

“She laughs…”

When I revealed this there was usually a very mixed reaction, I had deliberately thrown a cat amongst the pigeons as a facilitative manoeuvre.

The upshot of this was that any group I was facilitating realised that I was a stranger fish than they had at first estimated. Boring science dude might be a bit weirder than quantum mechanics.

Right now, people are getting flooded, houses are being swallowed by lava or destroyed by bush fires, “cuddly” polar bears are dying, people in Madagascar are starving, the Lebanon is in dire straits, Haiti is up shit creek without a paddle and Biden is talking to the head of the biggest paedophile organisation this planet has ever known. And the French and the British are arguing about foxtrotting fish and scallops. Squabbling siblings with a love-hate relationship…

You can buy Bulldog cushions here in France and posters of Provence in the UK.

And Greta is Rick-Rolling us…

We foxtrotting deserve it…


Do you control your own fate, your destiny?

Are you in control of the direction of “your” life?

We’re no strangers to love

You know the rules and so do I

A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of

You wouldn’t get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling

Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you


We’ve known each other for so long

Your heart’s been aching but you’re too shy to say it

Inside we both know what’s been going on

We know the game and we’re gonna play it

And if you ask me how I’m feeling

Don’t tell me you’re too blind to see


Foxtrot Foxtrot Sierra

Have You Ever Missed the Mark?

I’ll start this off with a quasi-satirical and perhaps partially philosophical question.

Is it possible for the self-diagnosed omniscient to ever get entirely the wrong end of the stick?

I have often wondered to myself why we, as a species, are so very blessed with such a large number of people who are sufficiently adamant that the world will be a better place for having had the benefit of their opinion so as to profess said opinion with an apparent conviction.

What have we done as a lowly bunch of plebs to receive such stupendous bounty?

I have an alternative hypothesis to many things.

One could argue that it is because of a tragic flaw in my character that I threw away everything and therefore will come to my tragic end alone and semi-impoverished in a foreign land.

Or one could develop the thematic alternate around this statement

Sie einen großen Fehler gemacht haben.

So, who missed the mark, is it I?

Or is it they?

One version of this narrative has way more implications than the other.

If ‘tis solely yours truly who has foxtrotted uniform, then there is no wider problem.

But should it be that others have foxtrotted uniform because of their erroneous self-diagnosis, then that is an altogether different matter….

Is Humanity Stuck?

At the moment there is a lot on the telly pertaining to the upcoming climate change summit. People are talking about net zero carbon emissions and the Saudis are saying that hydrocarbon fuels will remain with us for a long time.

The economic paradigm of “growth” is logically inconsistent with battling climate change.

There is some wish that the fairy godmother will magic up enough green jobs to enable continued growth whilst tackling global warming. People do not want to pay for the greening up because it affects their standard of living. On the one hand humanity might say climate change is bad, on the other they want to continue to use vast amounts of energy and fly to Dubai to take fatuous high-resolution selfies which will clog up the drives on the servers in the cloud, with vast amounts of meaningless data.

Which is it deal with increasingly erratic weather or take fatuous selfies and fly everywhere?

Working from home, reduces transport but stops the hospitality sector from serving us overpriced skinny lattes with a hint of cinnamon.

I think humanity is stuck at this crossroads and does not have the will as a species yet to tackle it. Things will need to get a whole lot worse before meaningful action is taken. This is my prophecy.

The obsession with image is counter evolutionary.

Never before in human history has there been such a thing about image, how one looks and shit like that. If one seeks liberation from the form, then worshipping the form is counter evolutionary. It is going the wrong way. If our icons are “influencers” possibly IQ deficient ones, what does that say about what we worship? Vacuity is the new deity! All hail the Brazilian butt lift.

Yep, I reckon that humanity is stuck. What do you think?

Past Life Recall and Akashic Records

In a previous post about the Akashic records the Tibetan is suggesting that when a being has essentially rid itself of astral / emotional and physical / etheric polarisation and is largely mentally polarised, perhaps in higher and abstract mind, they should be able to access the akashic records of their previous lives. And do so accurately. He does warn that the records, contain many illusory, emotive and glamoured forms. So, people who might think they are accessing their records may be largely kidding themselves. You might even be able to get a purveyor of snake oil to access these records for you to have something to talk about over dinner. I often wondered why so many people claim to be reincarnation of famous people like Genghis Khan or Jesus. Very few say, “I am the reincarnation of a 17th century cobbler called Smith. I died from tertiary syphilis which I contracted from a penny whore.”

I mentioned earlier in the blog that there was a time ~2003 when I got what appeared to be overlay of my life as a Buddhist monk whilst walking down Upper Tulse Hill in London on my way to work and only a few hours before I would be lecturing 100 students on Chemical Reaction Kinetics. There are number of ways of interpreting this, genuine past life recall, accessing of the Akashic records or simple hallucinatory psychosis. The thing was I was perfectly able to get on a bus, board a crowded tube train and alight at South Kensington. Despite the overlay I was in control and not freaked out.

Because by this stage I had come across the notion of past life recall, thanks to Théun Mares, I settled as the most likely hypothesis that this was indeed some spontaneous past life recall from what was mooted to me later as two previous Buddhist priest / monk incarnations.  Later at a Shinto shrine in Tokyo, Japan and never having knowingly done it or seen it before, I enacted a cleansing ritual much to the surprise of my Japanese colleague and interpreter. This suggested that one of my Buddhist lives was perhaps Japanese. It explains maybe why I have been drawn to things Japanese since I was about 17 {kyokushin karate}. These can at best be chimera like things, insubstantial. Nevertheless, these chimeras may explain certain latent propensities.

If my interpretation is correct, and that is a big if, then I do have some measure of recall from three of my previous lives with reduced recall from two others. There are some partial fragments from one a very, very long time ago, too.

Generally, when one reads the Tibetan one gets a sense of a measured, detached and highly intellectual being who is both eloquent and clear. In Toltec terms I would bet that he is a Scholar by predilection and a Scholar on the second ray, giving him double whammy Scholastic tendencies.

In the past I did in states of elevated awareness attempt to “find” these akashic records and unless I am kidding myself, I did. I reasoned that there was little point in trying to do this as it was a) showing off and b) distracting from liberation. Once I had gotten sufficient glimpse so as to sense the truth in what the Tibetan writes, I jacked it in.

If you asked your common or garden physicist, they would be unlikely to believe in the akashic records or even for many past life recall. Though if they changed field from condensed matter physics to string theory, they might say in my previous incarnation I was a condensed matter physicist.

What do you reckon might there be a permanent record of every action deed and thought somewhere?


I’ll kick this off with a question.

Does something have to be verifiable in order to be true, accurate and correct?

A quick update on the Coypu situation. Yesterday evening three men, two with shotguns came to our place. I explained to them that I had seen both juvenile coypu at around 4pm. They went to the far side of the pond and one of them discharged his weapon into the water. I had forgotten how loud they are. They waited around for a while but could not see the second one. They left with one dead coypu in the middle of the pond legs up. The plan was to put on the waders today and fish it out. After the hunters were gone, we went back to what I shall now call coypu corner. The other little blighter was there. He turned and watched us. We left him to it.

This morning there looked to be adult coypu turds as well as juvenile turds, but no sign of the coypu.

This afternoon I fished the dead coypu out with a landing net, and he is up by the grass cuttings awaiting recycling. The mole which I put there yesterday has already been “recycled”.

I was able to verify that the coypu was dead and not simply playing dead.

Yesterday I put up some quotations by Theun Mares whom I met on a number of occasions in 2000-2002. I even stayed overnight in his house once. There is no real way to verify what he says in those quotations. It is clear that there is a fair intellect behind them. He writes that he was a three-pronged nagal being and a stalker by predilection. I knew him as being a sometime hilarious piss-taker with a mischievous glint in his eye who could drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney. He was a warm being often up for a laugh and remarkably good company, a natural raconteur.

This is unverifiable.

He suggested to me that by way of predilection that I was a Man of Action and a dreamer. As a consequence, a whole bunch of people started to treat me as if I conformed to the template of this. If you are a reader of Castaneda, then I am like Genaro. Castaneda was a three-pronger and Juan a four-pronger. At first Juan was unable to see that Castaneda was of a different configuration to him, so he set about trying to build him a unit of warriors.

As I may have mentioned I have read “the blue books” and nowhere does it mention nagal beings. Blavatsky mentions Nagas a lot as does esoteric Buddhism. There is talk about the world of the Nagas and of the nagal or nagual’s world. I have a nagging thought that they are speaking of similar things.

There is a mild inconsistency with the description of the luminous cocoon once severed then reincarnating again, ready to work. The causal vehicle, if I have understood it correctly is not the luminous cocoon. So, the causal vehicle must somehow remember the severance and then select a physical-etheric-astral-mental vehicle capable of re-enacting the severance lifetime after lifetime.

Based on a number of pointers, signs and dreams it is not beyond the realms of possibility that I am also a nagal being. But if so, I am of the elephant dreaming class and of a philosophical persuasion. The dreamer bit is fine and accurate. Based on the description I would be of the more volatile three-pronged variety if so. As a dreamer in the South, I would be really quite out there. I am a different kettle of fish.

I have had a thorough exposure, over twenty years, to chemical physics, lasers and shit like that.  I have been trained to work in teams according to the six Ps. Preparation and Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance. On my father’s side the family is military; one Lieutenant acting Captain REME, one full Colonel Head of Signals London Station and one Chief Petty Officer signals Fleet Command {Admiral’s staff}. I could easily look like a Man of Action and my seventh ray personality is entrepreneurial.

The truth is this speculation cannot be verified, by any means acceptable to the scientific community.

In many ways it does not really matter what I am or may be. It is all just a model in anycase.

I come back to the original question.

In your opinion does something have to be verifiable in order to be true, accurate and correct?

Lost on the Emotional Plane? – the red mist

I’ll restrict this to two primary emotions, fear and anger. There is no need to take loads of mushrooms or peyote, to completely lose the plot. It can happen in day to day life. One can become utterly lost on the emotional plane. The perception gets ever more selective and turns in on itself. All clarity vanishes, and any sense of wider perspective is abandoned. It happens by indulging in fear or anger.

Once fear gets a toe-hold it can magnify and amplify alarmingly, a deep pervading paranoia sets in. Under these circumstances the merest thing can be seen as a deep personal attack aimed at maiming or destruction. The slightest contrary opinion becomes a death threat. One figuratively puts up the barricades, lays the minefields, heats the boiling oil and readies the crossbows. One is perennially on the look-out for slights, snubs, attacks and the like. They aren’t there, they are largely imagined. And so, lost in fear, life becomes nightmarish. On edge one lashes out and destroys. One sees plots and intrigues on all sides and thereby actually generates some of these, because one starts playing secret squirrels and other related games. Tense as a tense thing on a tense day, one is like a porcupine. There is no reality simply an out of proportion fear. Threat is on all sides.

 Once the red-mist of anger sets it, all one can see is ire and hitting back. One must destroy, avenge, make them pay and otherwise teach them a lesson. It burns, and it seethes. The perception clouds over and all there is that red-mist. Skewed thereby, a being whom you might otherwise love and care for becomes enemy number one, who must face sudden, complete and humiliating destruction, preferably over a prolonged period and in public so that everyone can see that your just and deserved vengeance has been done. There is no clarity, no wider perspective just the immediacy and longevity of that anger.

Maybe after the destruction has been wrought some sense of wider perspective returns by which time it is too late. Perhaps finally you return to your senses and calm. Perhaps you can then acknowledge that your perception has been more than a tad selective.

Having cued this up:

Have I ever been lost on the emotional plane?

Did it damage or wreak havoc in my life?

The Shortcoming Egotism

Everybody has this shortcoming to some extent. When it is activated, we express the following behaviours, it stems from the dark jewel Egotism

22 Egotism
Active Shortcoming: Self-importance
Behaviour: Self-opinionated, arrogant, self-centred, pompousness, holier-than-thou, longwindedness
Passive Shortcoming: Self-pity
Behaviour: Victim/martyr, hard-done-by, unappreciated, fear of exposure, fear of being wrong, fear of criticism

Anything might activate it. If for example you were being pompous and I said as much, chances are you would be pompous about your lack of pompousness, feel criticised, defend yourself in an arrogant way and give numerous examples of how you are not in fact a pompous being. The last thing you might say is “sorry man, I can be a bit of an arse from time to time.” You may even make a mental note that I have been mean to you and look out for any opportunity to get one back on me, your sweet revenge.

I have worked in academia, so chances are that I have met some pompous people.

It is possible to oscillate between the two poles, self-importance and self-pity.

To use an imaginary example which I will make up just now.

Arthur is a professor at the university of Harvton he has a pretty good reputation and has brought in millions in funding. He reckons himself and has strongly held opinions some of which are not based in evidence, but he continues to promote an antimalarial drug for curing the seventh coronavirus outbreak. He has recently put in a research grant application for a million dollars. He goes to the research council web site where the results of the latest funding round are. He has told his research group that there is a good chance that he will get funded. He feels entitled to the money because of his reputation and genius. Unlike all his competitors he came up the hard way, he alone is honest and not guilty of cronyism. He looks down the list of awards and cannot see his name on it. Prof. Zed has been funded but not him. They always like prof. Zed better than me. It is not fair that he gets funded, and I don’t. He is their favourite.

He gets on the ‘phone to speak to the research council to see if there has been an error. The programme secretary answers, and she says that there is no error. He starts to shout, “how dare you not fund me, blah, blah, blah.” The poor girl on the other end of the ‘phone gets a right earful when she was not even involved in the decision-making process.

Nobody appreciates all the hard wok I have put in, those bastards from California have ganged up on me again. They have put the fix in and this after I gave them that pointer back in May. What have they been saying behind my back? Have they been saying that the anti-malarial drug does not work against Sars-CoV-7? Will they find out that I am a fraud? What am I going to tell my research group? Will they figure out I have been bullshitting? I’ll have to make something up to cover myself. There could be some technicality at the research council which I could invent. They will never find out that I have made it up.

I hope you can the gist from this vignette.

My personal expression of this dark jewel was more on the passive side – feeling sorry for myself and victim / martyr. I was a bit concerned about exposure. But did not really worry about being wrong and was mostly open to criticism.

How do you manifest this dark jewel?

Do you recognise the oscillation?


The description of the Shortcoming is excerpted from a document written by Theun Mares