The Wind is in the South

All day today and for the next few days we have a Southerly. You can almost smell warmer climes on the wind. By Wednesday they are saying gusts of 100kmh. That should remove leaves and perhaps provide some firewood.

The South is the place of dreaming and of the unknown. It is “home” to the nagal being and “where” the very cusp of the dream is located.

The wife mowed the lawns yesterday so they should be good for a month…

I have translated the radiographers report and we await an appointment for a puncture biopsy chez the oncologist. A few simple words hide a plethora of possibilities. There is good news and some not quite so good.

Primary bone cancers are rare <0.2%, secondary or metastatic ones are common. The degree is important here. The biopsy hopefully has some answers or at least clues.

The wife may be getting some Fluorine of atomic mass 18 in a “glucose” molecule – 18F-FDG. At 300 quid a pop.

The jewel of a nagal being is 18 – courage.

The positron emitter will annihilate a positron with an electron and produce two 511 keV gamma photons. 7 + 7 = 14 guidance + guidance = knowledge {new}

Creation / annihilation operators at work…back to the two lions in my dream??

I haven’t heard back from the IPO yet…

That would be freaky to put some patent stuff into the cauldron of the current time critical situation.

Who knows?

The mildly hyper medic is doing her best, she even showed a little more warmth than usual today. Things here are tricky to get started, but when they are all is good.

The petrol tank is full, and we will go wherever to get the biopsy done.

Step by step, pace by pace, in the now…

Towards Freedom – Freedom…

Freedom

It is impossible to have long lasting equanimity without freedom. A bold statement perhaps, but freedom as I use it here is a state of mind and again is a relative term. With each increasing freedom comes a liberty to be. In this sense one can be free in mind yet physically incarcerated. For mind is where both freedom and equanimity are to be found. Once there is a liberty to be it is possible to move beyond mere existence into expression, and it is via expression that freedom comes. To begin the long journey of freedom one must ease off the shackles of dependency and societal conditioning, to remove the manacles of ought and should.

In normal life there are many dependencies, we each have our hooks and barbs into each other and to these are strings attached. A brief tug on the string and balance is lost, calm evaporates, and emotional turbulence sets in. Pulled in so many directions life is off centre and hectic. This plague of being busy and the terror of missing out is not free. It comes at a cost of dependency and co-dependency. If you are forever concerned about what others think of you and say about you, then you are not free. There is ever a worry. And this worry drains and inhibits. I am not advocating a kind of reckless sociopathy, rather a gradual freeing up and an increasing detachment from the emotional weather; to step back and see it for what it is. 

Upon the road to freedom we each have baggage, by the truckload. And it is this baggage that must be opened up and the contents discarded but not before each garment has been examined and unpicked. For each scar, each hurt and anger, has to it something of value to be garnered on the road to objectivity. Holding it up to the sun, some measure of light comes through. This analogy for expression is part and parcel of gaining freedom. To be burdened by baggage is to be burdened and inhibited. Again, I am not suggesting wanton behaviour.

This raises the question; do you want to be free? Do you seek freedom? Or would you like to be just a little freer than you currently are? Even freedom is relative and though politicians bang on about freedom, that in its own context is also relative. The freedom of mind as ideal sounds good but the tendency of hive and herd pulls the opposite way. It takes courage to be free of mind and to step outside the herd altogether. With only relatively little freedom of mind comes only a little equanimity.

The idea is not a step function jump off a cliff, rather a gradual, as and when, freeing up.  For unless you own your own mind you cannot have equanimity or a centre. Mind will chase off after in the prevailing weather. So, what I am leading up to is understanding mind, understanding self and going perhaps beyond any notion of self whatsoever. For this self and its image is not real. It is a façade. If you know that your façade is inaccurate and a lie, how can there ever be any lasting equanimity? There cannot be. There will always be a worry that you are going to be found out.

In this it should be easy to see that freedom is sourced in knowledge first of façade then of self and then not self. The key to freedom is understanding. Such a carte blanche statement is true yet simplistic, it is a cover all which has much behind it.

This kind of freedom from dependency may imply loneliness, a fear and a dread to many. A little careful thought might suggest that the dread is a part of dependency and one that can be used to leverage reliance. It is perhaps a desire of many to have friends but there is little true friendship. Much is by way of fragile alliance based upon conditional negotiation, where stock is kept of favour and shared secrets. Very few so called friendships are without condition or some kind of trading. Whilst one may have company, even a sense of camaraderie, rarely is that unconditional. More often there is convenience and expediency. For many it is better to have company, for whatever motive, than to face the singularity of being alone with oneself.  This being alone and without filling the time with pass times is terrifying to most. Because of this terror people will endure all kinds of things.

If you are to seek a freedom of any depth, then it is necessary to be comfortable in being alone. One could rewrite this all one. For it is in the space of no activity, no company and with time that one can face one’s demons, whatever they may be. It is not necessary to face demons if all one seeks is to be a little freer, but small endeavour leads to small reward. And I can say that unvanquished demons prey on equanimity with an unremitting hunger. Just when a small equanimity arrives a demon starts to gnaw, and balance vanishes in a puff of smoke.

As I have been at pains to point out we are dealing with the relative and not the absolute. I have used the allegory of demons to sum up all the things we do not want to face. I am not speaking of occult or satanic creatures, rather our own personal demons which follow us through life with a dogged persistence unless we turn and face them down. It is difficult to be free when your demons are stalking you.

To put it clearly and simply, if you cannot face being alone then there is always a lever which can be leant upon. This knowing, that you are alone, all one, means that societal negotiation and manipulation is far less effective which means you have choice and with choice, comes a freedom of a kind. This freedom is an availability of options, of possibilities or different ways of being and responding. It means less knee jerk reaction more considered and intelligent responding to life. In the absence of reflexive and reactive behaviour there is some sense of control which breeds equanimity.

In relative terms, what is the outer limit of freedom, to be fully free? Whilst corporeal there will always be some limitation on what your mind, your consciousness, can do, due to the very apparatus of living. The consciousness is as yet anchored therein. And depending upon your take on reincarnation you could say that the outer limit of freedom is the cessation of urge to reincarnate. One is done with all that planetary incarnation has to offer and seeks a discarnate existence thereafter. The shackles of form are ready to be cut once and for ever at death. I suspect that despite some idealism most are nowhere near this state of mind and it must sound abstract and unattainable. If you are not an adherent of this, then the limit is simply to move through life with as few hang ups as possible, easy and relaxed in choices and decisive therein. Because anyone who looks deeply senses an interconnection, this living is consequential and with wider appreciation it is not possible to condone undue damage. This kind of freedom, is a responsible one born out of a profound sense of knowledge that every act matters. Although one could be selfish and destructive, because in knowing self, one knows, one chooses not to act harmfully or recklessly.  It depends upon how each seeks to frame things in their own world view. Suffice it to say with freedom comes responsibility, and ability to respond to life and not simply react. This may seem odd to be free and responsible, yet there is no contradiction when sufficient freedom has been garnered. Until that time the notion of freedom is not fully grasped, it is perhaps adolescent and under developed.

Depending on sense of adventure and perceived need to belong, the journey towards freedom is individual. There is no summit per se. There are stages and phases, where one experiences a new-found sense of freedom, however transitory or long lasting. One may get to a point and that suffices, or one may feel the need to go further. There is no right or wrong, there is only what your heart tells you and what the innermost urge of your being demands. 

I do not believe that one can unpick freedom of mind from equanimity, they are entwined and cooperative. If you do not have the courage to strive for freedom of mind and in mind, you will not secure equanimity. Unless you own and can control your own mind, there will always be emotional weather, which seldom is serene. And in this context bliss too is of an emotional bent it, like a mirage, cannot last for ever especially whilst corporeal. Do not confuse equanimity with anhedonia, they are not synonyms. True equanimity has to it a tremendous depth of experience simply because it is free of mental noise.  Handling this depth of experience is initially unsettling and being able to manage enhanced perception is one of the hills which need climbing on the way to freedom. It is easy to taste the cake of phenomena and gorge thereupon for a long while, but a love of phenomena can breed an addiction which by definition, is not free.

Above I have given a high-level introduction; there are no hows, no strategies. What I have sought to do is to lessen ideal, to make relative and thereby chip away at a sense of the unattainable. For many the perfection, the absolute, provides an insurmountable barrier. Whereas freedom by degree does not evoke fear of failure to such an extent. Roll the world freedom around in your consciousness and see if it resonates there. Is it something however intangible it may be, that appeals? Is there an urge within that may seek this noumenon? If there is and you go in earnest search, then as a by-product you will acquire a measure of equanimity.

Courage Quotes

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.

Nelson Mandela

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

Winston Churchill

From caring comes courage.

Lao Tzu

Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.

Andre Gide

The opposite for courage is not cowardice, it is conformity. Even a dead fish can go with the flow.

Jim Hightower

People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest.

Hermann Hesse

The secret to happiness is freedom… And the secret to freedom is courage.

Thucydides

Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men.

Confucius

A man of great common sense and good taste – meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage.

George Bernard Shaw

The weak in courage is strong in cunning.

William Blake

It often takes more courage to change one’s opinion than to keep it.

Willy Brandt

Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

Bruce Lee

Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die.

Gilbert K. Chesterton

You have to have courage to be obedient to God.

Charles Stanley

The courage of the poet is to keep ajar the door that leads into madness.

Christopher Morley

I don’t understand why people say that I am full of courage. I feel terribly nervous.

Aung San Suu Kyi

Have the courage to act instead of react.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

Anais Nin

The principles of living greatly include the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and trial with humility.

Thomas S. Monson

Dream 14-2-12

I arrive early one morning at Brixton tube station in South London. The entrance is blocked up and there is a builder’s scaffold in the way. There is no-one around. I start to climb the scaffolding and it turns into a ladder of sorts. I start to climb the “ladder”. The route is narrow and confining. The “ladder” keeps on going up. Others start to follow me. The ladder leads to a small corridor. There is a sensation that this corridor will lead to another “ladder” going down. The workers there are laying a bright blue carpet, oblivious to the people wanting to cross and get to the ticket hall. I hear an announcement;

“Will Alan please come to the main ticket hall, there is a message there waiting for him…”

I make my way to the main ticket hall and go to my locker, it is #18. Inside my locker is a black snooker / pool ball with 18 in a white circle on it. I open the ball into two halves. Inside there is a message which now scrolls across consciousness;

“The extremely difficult we do tomorrow, the utterly impossible will take a little longer. Take courage for you do have the courage to do this…”

Having now found the way through the scaffolding the commuters start to file into the train station.

This is possibly realted to my Triskelion dream.