Talking About People Behind Their Back

If a significant number of people talk about someone behind their back is that a form of bullying?

Is gossiping about someone a form of bullying?

If plans are laid for someone without their input or consent is that a form of bullying?

If the people doing the talking behind the back are powerful does that make it bullying or problem solving?

It is easy to kid oneself that WE are solving a problem caused by IT.

{Let us circle the wagons so as to keep out that pesky Apache. After all we have Winchester rifles, and he only has a bow and arrow.}

If there is a power imbalance does this make the “problem solving” more or less like bullying?

Are the health problems of the creature being discussed important?

If they are ill and the talking about continues does that make it more like bullying and less like problem solving?

Do people like to talk about sick beings?

What if there is no problem to solve and it is all some justification made up to mitigate the unpleasantness afoot, to make it seem less dodgy?

Ears are burning, jungle drums are being pounded, the grapevine is all lit up.

S*** S*** D******** D**!


This from Collins Dictionary


Word forms: plural, 3rd person singular present tense gossips , present participle gossiping , past tense, past participle gossiped

1. variable noun

Gossip is informal conversation, often about other people’s private affairs.

He spent the first hour talking gossip.

There has been much gossip about the possible reasons for his absence.

Don’t you like a good gossip?

Synonyms: idle talk, scandal, hearsay, tittle-tattle  

2. verb

If you gossip with someone, you talk informally, especially about other people or local events. You can also say that two people gossip.

We spoke, debated, gossiped into the night. [VERB]

Eva gossiped with Sarah. [VERB + with]

Mrs Lilywhite never gossiped. [VERB]

Synonyms: chat, chatter, blather, schmooze [slang] 

3. countable noun

If you describe someone as a gossip, you mean that they enjoy talking informally to people about the private affairs of others.


He was a vicious gossip.

Synonyms: busybody, babbler, prattler, chatterbox [informal] 


This from Merriam Webster

gossip noun

Definition of gossip

(Entry 1 of 2)

1a dialectal British : godparent

b : companion, crony

c : a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others the worst gossip in town

2a : rumor or report of an intimate nature spreading gossip about their divorce

b : a chatty talk

c : the subject matter of gossip Their breakup was common gossip.


This from Cambridge dictionary




conversation or reports about other people’s private lives that might be unkind, disapproving, or not true:

Her letter was full of gossip.

I don’t like all this idle gossip.

I’ve got some juicy gossip for you.

Have you heard the (latest) gossip?

UK Jane and Lyn sat in the kitchen having a good gossip about their friends.

[ C ] disapproving

( also gossipmonger, uk/ˈɡɒs.ɪpˌmʌŋ.ɡər/ us/ˈɡɑː.səpˌmʌŋ.ɡɚ/)

someone who enjoys talking about other people and their private lives:

She’s a terrible gossip.

More examples

  • I’ve just been talking to the girls downstairs and I’ve got some delicious gossip.
  • Some magazines contain nothing but scandal and gossip.
  • She always keeps me up to date with the latest gossip.
  • There’s a lot of gossip about me going around. What have you been saying?
  • Let’s go for a coffee – I need to catch up on all the gossip.


This from the Urban Dictionary


Exaggeration or fabrication of a story, regarding somebody other than the tale bearer, in the absence of this person who is being discussed – for the malicious purpouse of demeaning, slandering or tarnishing this person’s reputation.

I used to be good friends with this bitch for like 6 years, and when we had a fallout, she went around gossiping all of my personal shit to people behind my back.


Something nasty people do when they are bored, have no life, or are really stupid. It’s nasty because a lot of the time you never hear about it and people are way too PC to admit and are nice to you to your face, but spread nasty gossip behind your back. And you never know what happened when someone suddenly hates you for no reason or some people start threatening you for no reason. That’s because some loser(s) with no life or brain decided to gossip because they’re too stupid to have any hobbies, a real social life, or any shread of conscience whatsoever.

Gossip is what happens before you get a knife in your back.

“You’re a gossiping wench and I hope the toilet eats you next time you take one of your rauncy diareah shits”

“Get a new hobby, try nitting, cutting yourself just stop gossiping. It causes cancer.”


An event between loose mouthed assholes, that happens as soon as you get into highschool. People start talkin, before you even get a chance to say anything, then ruins your reputation, and follows you all the way to your deathbed. It never ends.

“psst did you hear…..”

“like omg, lets go up to her and make fun of her”

“i heard what you did over the summer you slut!”


Talking bad about a person and their life when it’s clearly none of your fucking business.

“Omg, she likes him? She’s so unattractive tho!”

“I don’t care. I hate people who gossip.”


a fancy word for bullshit.

Why do u even listen 2 that gossip!?!

What is Normal for You?

For many, I imagine, the idea of having a good old chin wag and a gossip is normal and even socially acceptable. Very little thought is given to it. People spread the “goss” on others and take some salacious pleasure if there are any juicy morsels therein. Without doubt there is some enhancement or elaboration as the morsel passes between vectors.

In my former profession gossip was rife. In fact, a form of gossip called “measures of esteem” was used as a metric for career progression. I have joked that the collective noun for a group of academics is a “gossip” of academics. Reputation, as impermanent as it is, is an “important” thing in the academy. Decision making is not quite as rational as it may be deemed, especially when it comes to the allocation of money. Reputation can be built or destroyed by the swish of a tongue. It is part and parcel of a way of life, it is “normal”. Any organism has internal politics.

Few would consider gossip as a an entirely toxic poison because what would there be left to talk about without gossip. Of course, it is only other people who spread and listen to gossip. WE are having an intelligent conversation. It is very easy to kid oneself and find justifications for any behaviour which one wants to indulge in.

It is normal to gossip, isn’t it? So that makes it OK.  People can have some very dodgy motives.

I think I have mentioned that on a number of occasions I have had people gossip about me, to me, without their realising who I was. This is weird to experience, the temptation to say “please, tell me more” was strong.

Is it normal to use the internet to stalk another being, perhaps an ex?

If everybody is doing it, is it really OK?

I’ll make a hypothesis.

As a rule of thumb people are not honest with themselves about their motives and they use justifications to obfuscate and mitigate said motives, so as to kid themselves. People are not self-aware.

Is this normal behaviour? What do you think? Is it an accurate hypothesis?

I suspect that this hypothesis applies to groups of people as well as individuals.

I want to ask a question:

Have you ever used the cloaks of normality and social acceptability to indulge is something that is dodgy?

The reason that this is flagged up today for me is that people on the telly are banging on about wanting to get back to normal post-pandemic. The pandemic isn’t over yet, and I am not so sure that normal is any good any way.

Behind Closed Doors






Five streams

Closed doors

Hands over mouth



In the crying


Nothing changes

Says the seer








A stable door




Not even

Clever Jim

Can fix-it

This time


In the crying


Nothing changes

Says the seer


Always clever





Dharma of the Day #27 {gossip}

gossip is a poison

more deadly than,

the juice of a thousand cobras


the host and carrier

of such a deadly virus

spreads only, contagion


the oft salacious ear

of a willing listener

is a fertile breeding ground


the glamour of being

“in the club”, a member,

who knows secrets


perverts both the

whisperer and the

hungry recipient


seeking always faults in others

when you are not perfect,

is the epitome of avoidance


an end of empire decadence

when boredom finds work

for idle, lazy, minds


look back on your life

is gossip not

the destroyer of good?


and unless you are

already an Angel

can you say, no not me!


how about now

are you a spreader of contagion,

or already saint?


examine yourself close

what does the world

reflect in the mirror?


what does it reflect

right here, right now,

in this, moment?


Do you remember

before I was dismembered

with all the gossip

and the lies


Before you cleaved me

picked me apart

and ripped me



With each scalpel

every jibe

and brutal retort


Do you actually remember

what I was to you…