Noticing the Not Ordinary or Normal

Some would say that this is a key trait for those working in the security services, if something is a bit “off” there is probably a reason. One could say that noticing these unusual things is like noticing a Glitch in The Matrix. They can of course be simply strange and weird occurrence, or they can be indicators of something afoot.

I mentioned the other day that I was a little precocious as a Ph.D. student and early days post-doctoral fellow. I wrote the large bulk of several research grant applications for my then supervisor and with his name on the applications a couple of them got funded. I concluded from this that there was, in the fullness of time, actually a chance of having an academic research career. I had already “gained” several hundred thousands of pounds in funding.

But then it happened.

Before I had finished my Ph.D. I had to speak at a conference immediately after a famous, powerful and well-known Oxford professor who was a competitor of my supervisor. In front of a room full of his chums and colleagues I offered clear evidence for a different explanation of the phenomenon he was describing. I put it as nicely as I could, but he did not like it. Some came up to me afterwards and said that I had a big pair for doing this.

Time passed and I was soon writing my own research proposals to the research councils. I had just done a stint in a world leading spectroscopy group and was aiming to set up my own group in competition with the aforementioned Prof. who happened to sit on a number of research council committees. No matter how hard I tried my research grant applications came back unfunded. They even had a senior colleague look at my proposals and he said that they were crystal clear and well argued, he too was a little perplexed.

Then by chance I had sight of a research proposal which was uncannily similar to the ones I had been submitting. I’ll leave you to join the dots.

So, by being precocious and in way excelling I had possibly pissed off a senior establishment dude. I could not prove anything but the wording in the proposal I saw by chance had a phrasing reminiscent of mine. It was pretty obvious to me that the door to this area of endeavour was now firmly closed to me.

Strangely when I changed the subject area of my applications, I got some funding…

Odd that…

This could all be coincidence, or it could be a little “polite” English skulduggery.

Much water has flown under the bridge since then and it does not really matter now.

It is with retrospect that I know that the utter frustration of doing my impeccable best and then getting stymied, played a part in my subsequent breakdown in the mid-nineties. If I had been writing shit grant proposals I would have known, and it would not have had such an impact.

Anyway, it seems that the dreaming is starting to hot up a little. So, we shall see how things go from here.

There is another extrapolation to the above subject which I need to figure out how to verbalize, in due course.

Today we have cleared out the shed in which the sit on mower sits. The previous owner has left some 207cm by 87cm doors in the workshop. They must be nearly solid wood. Just think of the hinges I thought as I tried to manhandle one, they were not far short of 50 highly unwieldy kilos. One of them is now a part of the floor in the shed.

Grilled Harissa Chicken, Tabouleh and Tzatziki are now beckoning.

After the effort today I should sleep better tonight…

What dreams may come?

Dream Analysis – More Thoughts

The opening scene is a vast laboratory, an experiment, from which one can get a “helicopter” view. The gift is the Tektronix scope or in other words 10, the ten. Some kind of new cycle is beginning but I must be aware of old traps and behaviour. The quality required is impeccability. {Wolfgang is some kind of courier, he is bringing this, he was my “sidekick”.} There is a sense of scope as well as oscilloscope and a hint at the need for simplicity {slimmed down}. Some sense of stability comes out of completion 9. Completing is in the act of completion just as the new cycle begins. The “energies” are too high frequency for the mundane scope. {BC is also a courier probably in the South or West}

Everyone is sleeping, I see the club of Bodhisattva where we/I go/am going. I go seeking for some spiritual nourishment of a very high-quality from all around the world. Which I store safely for later.

I have crystallised power or knowledge in my possession. It is stored safely{Swiss} in my bank.

Am I the one who through my own strength gets others to wake from their slumber within the context of their desire for freedom {drinking}?

I had better hurry to find the personal key to access my bank of knowledge. There are deep implications in this act. I need to be more fluid and have confidence in my abilities.

The temptations of groovy science kit and money have gotten in the way before and I have been side-tracked by them. Watch out for this again!

Date of dream is 2nd of July.

2 – need for humility and understanding or Symbol of Destiny.

7 is guidance or need for guidance.

Given the dream context this is perhaps guidance on my destiny.

Spiritual Development – A Complete Reorientation

In the West having ambition and making career progression is seen by some as important, all-consuming even. To acquire money, kudos, social position and goods is to be counted as a success.  To win at sports or in the argument is important for some. To climb the league table is a goal or an aim. To meet targets and achieve goals means you are a go-getter. Having timed targets or objectives causes one not only to strive but to stress. This acquisitional mentality pervades. There is a whole lot of measurement out there in the workplace. Comparison mind dominates and people are forever comparing themselves to others. I am not convinced that this generates happiness and wellbeing. People do this kind of stuff with bodies and many have themselves sliced and stitched in order to look “better”. People want to know who is cleverer, who gets the best results.

It is my tenet that if you want to develop “spiritually” a complete reorientation towards life is needed. A tiny change helps yet it remains that, tiny.

If one lets go of this notion of winning and beating others, one can focus on what it is you are doing.

If one aims for enough and no more, then one aids in the effort of not bleeding the planet dry of resource. Acquisitional vampirism harms the planet.

If one drops goal orientation vast tracts of time suddenly open up because one is not stressing about goals.

If one simply does one’s impeccable best, there is absolutely no need to compare with anyone else simply because it is not possible to do any better.

If one attains impermanence ones sees that kudos and social position are transient “things” which exist only in the minds of humanity. They are quite literally made up in the head.

What makes sense to those who live the opening paragraph is madness to those who do not. It is my guess that there is a vice versa here too.

There was a time when I bought partially in to the first paragraph, not any longer. Retrospect suggests that I may have feigned ambition because that was what I was supposed to do. Who knows?

I’ll make a hypothesis.

Whilst one is fully subscribed to the way of life briefly outlined in the first paragraph one does not evolve much towards liberation and because of competition one generates karma. In order to be free one has to let this way of being go, almost completely.

The Karma of Secrets

The first thing to say abouts secrets is that they all in some way itch, they itch at being. The second thing to say is that secrets bind. Secrets also have a tendency to infect and cause fear in their purveyors. They nearly always generate new Karma to be worked with and sometimes, though not always, have a habit of surfacing at the most inconvenient of times. Some secrets are carried to the grave. Organisations, governments and people use secrets when they think it expedient. Avoiding a problem today often stores it up for tomorrow.

People are fascinated by secrets. Fascination binds.

This fascination is by way of a glamour and an attachment. Because most know that secrets are “naughty” they come with a certain salaciousness and a sense of privilege. Some how the possessors and purveyors of secrets are better than others, they are in the know, others are in the dark.

Exactly who is in the dark and who is in the light, is a moot point, often unconsidered.

From a point of liberation what is most germane is their binding conspiratorial nature. If you share a secret, you share the breath of that secret, you conspire and breathe it together. Whispers in the dark, keep you in the dark, for fear of light.

The two major causes of secrets are lack of impeccability and lack of courage. If you are impeccable there is never any need for secrets.

Anything, any act, which binds you, is not good for liberation.

I suspect that there is not a being alive who has never lied nor never held a secret, at some stage or another. It is the Karma, the Dharma, of holding a secret that needs learned from. There is nothing quite like real life experience to teach.

The cure for secrets is impeccability.

It is as simple as this. If you are utterly impeccable you will never feel the need to lie or hold secrets. You may not feel the urge to spill the beans on everything you know, yet if the time to speak on it comes, there is no secret, no attachment.

People are attached to secrets. Beings often cannot move past a secret. They are log jams in evolution.

Often the secret, held deep and hidden, is no way near as bad as people have built it up to be. Its revelation seldom causes a tsunami nor the explosion of the sun. Some secrets are bad and these eat and itch at the being all of their lives.

Secrets cause suffering!

It is a matter for each individual as to which secrets they keep. One could try airing a few of these to see if God strikes you down. Theory has it He knows in any case. Much of the suffering associated with secrets is SELF generated for the SELF is what keeps or shares secrets, so as to bolster its SELF IMAGE.

As I have mentioned before, Karma is for learning by and from.

Have I ever kept a secret? Have I shared secrets about others? What have I learned through this? What am I still learning from this?