The Priest, His Nun, Me and the Convent

Sometimes you have to travel to another place in order to meet people with whom you are in close proximity to on a regular basis.

In 2005 I did my MBTI step one qualifying course at a convent called Emmaus in Bristol. One of the course leaders was a very extraverted Catholic Mother Superior. This woman had tremendous energy and a wonderful, if slightly wicked, sense of humour. The course had a small statistics element and from time to time I was asked to help explain to the other participants.

We got to stay overnight in the convent but were allowed to go out for a beer so long as we were back by 10pm curfew. I am an early riser and on occasion I would meet a normally dressed young woman or two on their hands and knees scrubbing the floor. They were out of sight during the day. These women were in the process of being “saved”. One of them in particular looked pretty beaten up for her age. I guessed they were saved from the streets. They were perhaps seeing if they had a vocation or not.

The participants on the course were an eclectic bunch, counsellors, therapists, strategists, careers advisers, Project Raleigh staff, team development consultants, a priest, his nun and a physical chemist from London.

The priest and “his” nun had a very close relationship, they worked together. Their interaction was not unlike that of a married couple but without any sex. She was devoted to him and was in the habit of smoothing over any problems he had with the bishop, of which there were a few.

As a part of the course, we all had to have a little name tag with our MBTI type on it. Mine was INFJ as was the Irish Catholic Priest. The nun was ENTP. Both of them were about fifteen years older than me. When the nun saw that I was the same type as the priest I gained for myself a shadow. For the rest of the course, she asked me near endless questions about how an INFJ thinks and is. Her logic was that by talking to me she would better understand her mysterious and enigmatic priest.

One of the exercises on the course was for people of like type to have a conversation. So that evening the priest INFJ, the scientist INFJ me and a high-level business strategist woman INTJ had a conversation in the pub. The conversation took off and went stratospheric encompassing God, the universe etc. It was tremendous fun. We had not noticed that everyone else was just listening to the weirdo space cadets.

Anyway, as it turned out I had been near both the priest and the nun every workday for nearly four years. I had stood waiting here at the Jebb Avenue bus stop. They were at work as the prison priest and his pastoral support at Brixton prison, London SW2.

I had to travel all the way to Emmaus to meet them…

Rules, Wildlife and Pegasus

We watched the Dominic Cummings interview with Laura Kuenssberg, it was quite an “insight” into the goings on at number 10. My guess is that Dom is an INTJ. It was fun, at least for me, watching the miscommunication. I suspect Ms. Kuennssberg is an S type. She was trying to get an Ni dominant to satisfy her S type “fact” orientation. Her style of questioning did not really draw him out. It is possible that I could have elicited more.

Trying to get a P type (Boris) to make a plan and then stick to it, is like trying to juggle eels. No wonder Dom has no hair.

Here in France, there is a to-do about the Pegasus spyware, traces of which have been found on the ’phones of Macron and the cabinet. This obsession with wanting an “edge”, the inside track, it seems is a major shortcoming of our times. That voyeuristic snooping orientation is aback much so-called “reality” TV. I am watching you, but you don’t know that. I have the power…

Now going out the back door is more dangerous. Two of the baby swallows have partially fledged. Mum and Dad are great at aerial acrobatics, and they can whizz past your head safely. Juniors are not yet skilled in the art, so the danger of bird / head collision is higher. Soon there will be seven of them flying in and out of our passage. Of late the swallow gang have bee hanging in our ‘hood. A whole bunch of them gather on our TV aerial. I have counted ten on occasion and they chat away to each other before taking an on the wing drink from our pond.

This morning the heron was flying in and about to land. He saw us and headed off. Just now he was back at the far end of the pond. So, I am guessing this huge laborious flyer will be a regular visitor. Mr Electric Blue the Kingfisher has been around too. Last year we saw him take a fish maybe 15 metres from where we were standing…

In France they are putting vaccine passports and negative PCR tests as a requirement into the legislation. The handling of pandemic here has been marked by far greater clarity than the let’s wing it approach the other side of the channel. I suspect that the French personality ray 3, active intelligence and the French soul ray 5, concrete knowledge, have a hand in the preference of the nation.

Keeping all your options open sends a very vague wishy-washy message. I read this morning that 1 in 4 Brits are deleting the Test and Trace app. I suspect that number 10 has now lost the compliance of the UK public. When the need comes for the next lock-down we might see a lot more Agincourt salutes.

MBTI Dom & Boris

Which one is which?

Profile by David Keirsey

INTJs are the most self-confident of all types, having “self-power” awareness. Found in about 1 percent of the general population, the INTJs live in an introspective reality, focusing on possibilities, using thinking in the form of empirical logic, and preferring that events and people serve some positive use. Decisions come naturally to INTJs’ once a decision is made, INTJs are at rest. INTJs look to the future rather than the past, and a word which captures the essence of INTJs is builder-a builder of systems and the applier of theoretical models.

To INTJs authority based on position, rank, title, or publication has absolutely no force. This type is not likely to succumb to the magic of slogans, watchwords, or shibboleths. If an idea or position makes sense to an INTJ, it will be adopted, if it doesn’t, it won’t, regardless of who took the position or generated the idea. As with the INTP, authority per se does not impress the INTJ.

INTJs do, however, tend to conform to rules if they are useful, not because they believe in them, or because they make sense, but because of their unique view of reality. They are the supreme pragmatists, who see reality as something which is quite arbitrary and made up. Thus it can be used as a tool-or ignored. Reality is quite malleable and can be changed, conquered, or brought to heel. Reality is a crucible for the refining of ideas, and in this sense, INTJs are the most theoretical of all the types. Where an ESTP sees ideas as the pawn of reality, an INTJ sees reality as the pawn of ideas: No idea is too far-fetched to be entertained. INTJs are natural brainstormers, always open to new concepts and, in fact, aggressively seeking them.

INTJs manipulate the world of theory as if on a gigantic chess board, always seeking strategies and tactics that have high payoff. In their penchant for logic, the INTJs resemble the INTPs. The logic of an INTJ, however, is not confined to the expressible logical. Unlike INTPs, INTJs need only to have a vague, intuitive impression of the unexpressed logic of a system to continue surely on their way. Things need only seem logical; this is entirely sufficient. Moreover, they always have a keen eye for the consequence of the application of new ideas or positions. They can be quite ruthless in the implementation of systems, seldom counting personal cost in terms of time and energy. Theories which cannot be made to work are quickly discarded by the INTJs.

To understand INTJs, their way of dealing with ideas should be observed closely. Their conscious thought is extraverted and empirical. Hence, they are better at generalizing, classifying, summarizing, adducing evidence, proving, and demonstrating than are the INTPs. The INTJs are somewhat less at home with pure reason, that is, systemic logic, where principles are explicit. In this respect they resemble the ENTJs. The INTJs, rather than using deductive logic, use their intuition to grasp coherence.

Career

INTJs can be very single-minded at times; this can be either a weakness or a strength in their careers, for they can ignore the points of view and wishes of others. INTJs usually rise to positions of responsibility, for they work long and hard and are steady in their pursuit of goals, sparing neither time nor effort on their part or that of their colleagues and employees.

INTJs live to see systems translated into substance; an INTP, by way of contrast, is content to design the system. In both these types, however, coherence is the master. Both internal and external consistency are important, and if an INTJ finds that he or she is in a working situation where overlapping functions, duplication of effort, inefficient paper flow, and waste of human and material resources abound, the INTJ cannot rest until an effort is made to correct the situation. Cost-effectiveness is a concept which has a strong imperative for INTJs, who frequently select occupations in engineering, particularly human engineering. They also can be found in the physical sciences, in roles which require development, such as curriculum building, and, in general, any job which requires the creation and application of technology to complex areas.

Fellow workers of INTJs often feel as if the INTJ can see right through them, and often believe that the INTJ finds them wanting. This tendency of people to feel transparent in the presence of the INTJ often result in relationships which have psychological distance. Thus colleagues find the INTJ apparently unemotional and, at times, cold and dispassionate. Because of their tendency to drive others as hard as they do themselves, INTJs often seem demanding and difficult to satisfy. INTJs are high achievers in school and on the job. On the job, they take the goals of an institution seriously and continually strive to respond to these goals. They make dedicated, loyal employees whose loyalties are directed toward the system, rather than toward individuals within the system. So as the people of an institution come and go, the INTJs have little difficulty-unlike the NFs, who have their loyalties involved more with persons than offices. INTJs tend, ordinarily, to verbalize the positive and eschew comments of a negative nature; they are more interested in moving an institution forward than commiserating about mistakes of the past.

Home

As mates, INTJs want harmony and order in the home and in relationships. They are the most independent of all types. They will trust their intuitions about others when making choices of friends and mates, even in the face of contradictory evidence and pressures applied by others. The emotions of an INTJ are hard to read, and neither male nor female INTJ is apt to express emotional reactions. At times, both will seem cold, reserved, and unresponsive, while in fact INTJs are almost hypersensitive to signals of rejection from those for whom they care. In social situations, INTJs may also be unresponsive and may neglect to observe small rituals designed to put others at their ease. For example, INTJs may communicate that time is wasted if used for idle dialogue, and thus people receive a sense of hurry from an INTJ which is not always intended. In their interpersonal relationships, INTJs are usually better in a working situation than in recreational situations. They do not enjoy physical contact except with a chosen few.

As parents, INTJs are dedicated and single minded in their devotion: Their children are a major focus in life. They are supportive of their children and tend to allow them to develop in directions of their own choosing. INTJs usually are firm and consistent in their discipline and rarely care to repeat directions given to children…or others. Being the most independent of all the types, they have a strong need for autonomy; indifference or criticism from people in general does not particularly bother INTJs, if they believe that they are right. They also have a strong need for privacy.

The most important preference of an INTJ is intuition, but this is seldom seen. Rather, the function of thinking is used to deal with the world and with people. INTJs are vulnerable in the emotional area and may make serious mistakes here.

Midlife

At midlife the feeling side of personality should be given much attention by the INTJ, who can work at expanding his or her abilities to respond to wishes and feelings of others. They may also do well to turn more attention to the sensory side of their natures, attempting to get in touch with the joys of good food, good beverages, social rituals, kinesthetic experiences…and play. The “wasting” of time in play is an appropriate target as a midlife task for INTJs who can take lessons from an SP, especially an ESP, in the art of enjoying the pleasures of life.

Mates

Wishing to control nature, the INTJ “scientist” probably has more difficulty than all other types in making up his or her mind in mate selection. Even mate selection must be done in a scientific way. It may well be that the narratives, plays, and films impugning the “rational and objective” approach to mating have as their target our thorough-going scientist INTJ. Nevertheless, when young, the INTJ is attracted to the free-wheeling, spontaneous, fun-loving “entertainer” ESFP. But the INTJ requires that mating meet certain criteria, else it is not undertaken. So the INTJ doesn’t often go through with what is begun by natural attraction. Since he or she proceeds in a rational and methodical way, the selection of a similar temperament is more likely than selection of opposite, following the assumption that those who are similar ought to do well together. The INTJ “scientist” is also attracted to the ENFP “journalist,” probably because of the enthusiastic, effervescent, and apparently spontaneous enjoyment and wonderment this type exudes-the very antitheses of the careful, thoughtful exactitude of the INTJ.

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Profile by David Keirsey

ENTP’s wish to exercise their ingenuity in the world of people and things. Found in about five out of every hundred people, ENTP’s extravert intuition; thus they deal imaginatively with social relationships as well as physical and mechanical relations. They are very alert to what is apt to occur next, and always sensitive to possibilities.

ENTP’s are good at analysis, especially functional analysis, and have both a tolerance for and enjoyment of the complex. Usually enthusiastic, ENTP’s are apt to express interest in everything, and thus are a source of inspiration to others, who find themselves caught up by the ENTP’s enthusiasm. This type is delighted over many things and so is easy to please, often showing the effervescence of their NF counterpart, the ENFP. The ENTP is the most reluctant of all the types to do things in a particular manner just because that is the way things always have been done. They characteristically have an eye out for a better way, always on the lookout for new projects, new activities, new procedures.

ENTP’s are confident in the value of their pursuits and display a charming capacity to ignore the standard, the traditional, and the authoritative. As a result of this open attitude, they often bring a fresh, new approach to their work and their lives. The ENTP is a keen judge of the pragmatics of both the social and the mechanical, and may become expert at directing relationships between means and ends.

Where the introverted NTP sees design as an end in itself, the extraverted NTP sees design as a means; the end is the invention that works, the prototype that is replicable. Ideas are valuable when and only when they make possible actions and objects. “It can’t be done” is a challenge to an ENTP and elicits a reaction of “I can do it.” They are not, however, the movers of mountains as are the INTJ’s. Rather, the faith of the ENTP’s is in their ability to improvise something, and they display an unusual talent for rising to the expediency of a situation. Superficially, ENTP’s resemble ESTP’s in their derringdo. But the focus of the ENTP is on the competency and the sense of power this gives, rather than on the feeling of freedom of action experienced by the ESTP.

ENTP’s can be fascinating conversationalists, able as they are to follow the complex verbalizations of others. They may deliberately employ debate tactics to the disadvantage of their opponents, even when the “opponents” are close associates and valued friends. ENTP’s are the most able of all types to maintain a one-up position with others. They value adaptability and innovation and thus respond quickly and adeptly to another’s shifting position. They may even be several jumps ahead. The ENTP, talkative and motivating, is often the life of an enterprise. The ENTP can be an entrepreneur and cleverly makes do with whatever or whoever is at hand, counting on ingenuity to solve problems as they arise, rather than carefully generating a detailed blueprint in advance. A rough draft is all that an ENTP needs to feel confident and ready to proceed into action, counting on the ability to improvise as a situation develops. Because of this tendency to depend on ingenuity and improvision, they may neglect very necessary preparation at times. After repeated failures in situations where improvising has met with defeat, the ENTP may develop ways of avoiding such situations as a substitute to thorough preparation.

Career

ENTP’s can succeed in a variety of occupations, as long as the job does not involve too much humdrum routine. At this point, they become restless. If a project in which they are engaged is no longer challenging, they tend to lose interest in that project and fail to follow through-often to the discomfort of colleagues.

Seldom are ENTP’s conformists. ENTP’s enjoy outwitting the system and use rules and regulations within the system to win the game-whatever it may be. They understand well the politics of institutions and deal with these realities very well, always aiming to understand the people within the system rather than to judge them. ENTP’s are good at innovative projects and can administer them well if dull routine is not involved. They usually are outstanding teachers, continuously devising new participative ways to make learning exciting for the students. As an employee, an ENTP may work against the system just for the joy of being one-up. For ENTP’s, to be taken-in, to be manipulated by another, is humiliating; this offends their joy in being masters of the art of one-upmanship. ENTP’s are the natural engineers of human relationships and human systems. Their good humor and optimistic outlook tend to be contagious, and people seek out their company.

Home

As mates, ENTP’s tend to create a lively living environment. They are gregarious, laugh easily and often, and are typically in good humor. Orderliness in the routines of daily living is not apt to inspire them; they usually solve this problem by mobilizing those around them. Tom Sawyer illustrated this talent when he solved the problem of getting Aunt Polly’s fence whitewashed. Life with ENTP’s is likely to be a daring adventure; they can lead families to physical and economic dangers. ENTP’s improvise to remain unaware that they do not have the necessary knowledge of the situation to ward off such dangers.

If the mate of an ENTP is not competitive, he or she is likely to find the one-up/one-down transactions somewhat wearing. If the mate is competitive, the result might be conflict. Although usually good providers of economic necessities, ENTP’s at times engage in brinkmanship with their careers, placing them in jeopardy and behaving as if unaware of the consequences; they may thus offer unnecessary challenges to those who have power over their professional success. When challenges elicit negative responses from superiors, ENTP’s are apt to react with delight at having an opportunity to improvise a solution to the crisis and, more often than not, they succeed in doing so.

ENTP’s are likely to have all sorts of hobbies and to be experts in unexpected areas, but they are not apt to share these hobbies with their mates or children in the sense of teaching them. In fact, ENTP’s may be very inconsistent in the attention given to offspring. Usually, it is feast or famine. ENTP’s have a lively circle of friends and are interested in their ideas and activities. They are usually easy-going, seldom critical or nagging. At their worst, they can show undependable, fickle characteristics and may be rather easily discouraged.

Midlife

At midlife ENTP’s can allow their tendency to experiment recklessly to get out of hand and may destroy or discard the work of half a lifetime, both in personal relationships and in careers. Energy spent in sorting out priorities and values may be a good investment at this time. Developing an increased awareness of emotional reactions and expanding the intensity and range of these through self-development work may be something ENTP’s might want to consider at midlife. An increased repertoire of introverted-type activities; for example, gardening, painting, or reading may be a source of pleasure to ENTP’s.

Mates

The inventive ENTP finds in the ISFJ a neat complementarily for his enterprise, for in the ISFJ he finds the supreme conservator. The conservator, broadly conceived, is morally bound to ensure the material and legal welfare of his or her charge. The inventor, also broadly conceived, is bent on replacing whatever tools, operation, or enterprise now exists with a better one. Out to exercise his ingenuity in bettering things, the ENTP is of necessity iconoclastic and tends to be so seen. So he can get into a bit of trouble with the elders, who usually are not all that pleased to see their tried-and-true tools, operations, and enterprises blithely set aside for the ENTP’s better mousetrap. The ISFJ, mated to this inventive rascal, takes on the task of squaring things with the establishment.

The ENTP also may be attracted to his opposite on the N side: he approaches the INFJ. But the INFJ is humorously and preposterously different from the seemingly similar ISFJ. In the INFJ lies the soul of the “author”-the meaning-giver, the mystic, the oracle. Perhaps the INFJ is a conservator of the soul, a sort of messiah. At any rate, there is something about the “author” (very broadly conceived) which the ENTP covets. Prometheus had to pay dearly for giving fire to man. The Promethian ENTP may figure that, though his INFJ mate may not rescue his body from the vultures, at least the INFJ might rescue his soul from Hell.

1.4% – INFJ – The Odd Weirdos

Depending upon the population sampled the occurrence of the INFJ type is somewhere between 1 and 2% of the adult population. Given that INFJs are likely to self-select towards psychometric questionnaires, I’ll postulate that these figures are higher than the actual prevalence in the general population. So, for the purposes of discussion let’s say that the prevalence is 1%.

Back when I did team development courses for science Ph.D. students, I noticed some trends. The prevalence of T type as opposed to F type was massively skewed upwards from national data. {Less so for bio and medics}. Likewise, the prevalence of N was way up when compared to S. {add some S-type bio-medical-engineers and this restored the balance a little}. The more cerebral and less practical the science the heavier the NT population bias was.

As an NF it explained why I felt out of place amongst a bunch of NT barracudas.

If the prevalence of INFJ is 1% then statistically {unless you are in the psych or God business} you will have met less of these than any other type. This means that only 1 in every hundred people you meet is an INFJ-Weirdo. Therefore, your experience of interacting with these will be less well developed. Every self-aware INFJ on the planet knows that sooner or later there will be some major misunderstanding. It is impossible to head this off because should you try to do this by explaining the differences, they will not pay attention nor take it seriously. All you can do is try your best to communicate effectively and wait for the crash. Sooner or later, you will say a lead balloon, which you know to be accurate and true, but the other party does not and will deny what you said. Then the INFJ stubbornness kicks in and you try to explain in many more inventive ways what you are trying to convey, the other person feels {imagines} attacked and a shitstorm ensues.

I have tried numerous techniques like trying to get someone I might work with to read the INFJ profile previous {or one like it}. If they do read it, they skim read it and do not absorb like an INFJ would. So, this method of trying to get the other person to start to understand does not work.

The only NTs who get an INFJ are the INTJs. This is because of the shared dominant introverted intuition.

I can flip my F and my T reasonably easy, hell for years I pretended to be an ENTJ. INTJs can, if they relax, flip their T and F.

Inner Nuances Foster Journeys and It’s Not Thoroughly Justified are quite a way apart in terms of approach.

In principle, according to the blue books, humanity is evolving towards being polarised on the buddhic or intuitional plane. This means that more and more incarnated beings will be intuitionally polarised.

Because of some of my more F type behaviours people have questioned my sexuality…especially those fond of overly faux-macho NT behaviours.

I’ll make a prediction.

Over the oncoming decades the proportion of people getting a positive INFJ test result will go up and as a result they will have to self-isolate in order to say as sane as possible. Before long we will be legion. There may even be an INFJ pandemic.

INFJ by Keirsey

Profile by David Keirsey

INFJs focus on possibilities, think in terms of values and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (1 percent) is regrettable, since INFJs have unusually strong drive to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their fellow men. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.

It is an INFJ who is likely to have visions of human events past, present, or future. If a person demonstrates an ability to understand psychic phenomena better than most others, this person is apt to be an INFJ. Characteristically, INFJs have strong empathic abilities and can be aware of another’s emotions or intents even before that person is conscious of these. This can take the form of feeling the distress of illnesses of others to an extent which is difficult for other types. INFJs can intuit good and evil in others, although they seldom can tell how they came to know. Subsequent events tend to bear them out, however.

INFJs are usually good students, achievers who exhibit an unostentacious creativity. They take their work seriously and enjoy academic activity. They can exhibit qualities of over-perfectionism and put more into a task than perhaps is justified by the nature of the task. They generally will not be visible leaders, but will quietly exert influence behind the scenes.

INFJs are hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust. Because of their vulnerability through a strong facility to introject, INFJs can be hurt rather easily by others, which, perhaps, is at least one reason they tend to be private people. People who have known an INFJ for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that INFJs are inconsistent; they are very consistent and value integrity. But they have convoluted, complex personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

INFJs like to please others and tend to contribute their own best efforts in all situations. They prefer and enjoy agreeing with others, and find conflict disagreeable and destructive. What is known as ESP is likely found in an INFJ more than in any other types, although other types are capable of such phenomena. INFJs have vivid imaginations exercised both as memory and intuition, and this can amount to genius, resulting at times in an INFJ’s being seen as mystical. This unfettered imagination often will enable this person to compose complex and often aesthetic works of art such as music, mathematical systems, poems, plays, and novels. In a sense, the INFJ is the most poetic of all the types. Just as the ENTJ cannot not lead, so must an INFJ intuit; this capability extends to people, things, and often events, taking the form of visions, episodes of foreknowledge, premonitions, auditory and visual images of things to come. INFJs can have uncanny communications with certain individuals at a distance.

Career

INFJs often select liberal arts as a college major and opt for occupations which involve interacting with people, but on a one-to-one basis. For example, the general practitioner in medicine might be an INFJ, or the psychiatrist or psychologist. As with all NF’s, the ministry holds attraction, although the INFJ must develop an extraverted role here which requires a great deal of energy. INFJs may be attracted to writing as a profession, and often they use language which contains an unusual degree of imagery. They are masters of the metaphor, and both their verbal and written communications tend to be elegant and complex. Their great talent for language usually is directed toward people, describing people and writing to communicate with people in a personalized way. INFJs who write comment often that they write with a particular person in mind; writing to a faceless, abstract audience leaves them uninspired.

INFJs make outstanding individual therapists who have the ability to get in touch with the archetypes of their patients in a way some other types do not. The INFJs are also the most vulnerable of all the types to the eruption of their own archetypal material. As therapists, INFJs may choose counseling, clinical psychology, or psychiatry, or may choose to teach in these fields. Writing about these professions often intrigues an INFJ. Whatever their choice, they generally are successful in these fields because their great personal warmth, their enthusiasm, their insight, their depth of concentrations, their originality, and their organizational skills can all be brought into play.

At work as well as socially, INFJs are highly sensitive in their handling of others and tend to work well in an organizational structure. They have a capacity for working at jobs which require solitude and concentration, but also do well when in contact with people, providing the human interaction is not superficial. INFJs enjoy problem-solving and can understand and use human systems creatively and humanistically. As employees or employers, INFJs are concerned with people’s feelings and are able to provide in themselves a barometer of the feelings of individuals and groups within the organizations. INFJs listen well and are willing and able to consult and cooperate with others. Once a decision is made, they work to implement it.

INFJs are generally good at public relations and themselves have good interpersonal relations. They value staff harmony and want an organization to run smoothly and pleasantly, themselves making every effort to contribute to that end. They are crushed by too much criticism and can have their feelings hurt rather easily. They respond to praise and use approval as a means of motivating others, just as they, the INFJs, are motivated by approval. If they are subject to a hostile, unfriendly working condition or to constant criticism, they tend to lose confidence, become unhappy and immobilized, and finally become physically ill.

Home

As mates, INFJs are usually devoted to their spouses, but may not always be open to physical approaches. They tend to be physically demonstrative at times, but wish to choose when, which is when they are in the mood. This maybe quite confusing to an extraverted mate. Often an INFJ’s expressions of affection will be subtle, taking a humorous, unexpected turn. INFJs need and want harmony in their homes and find constant conflict, overt or covert, extremely destructive to their psyches. Their friendship circle is likely to be small, deep, and longstanding. As parents, INFJs usually are fiercely devoted. A female INFJ, particularly, is linked to her children in a way different from the other types: with almost a psychic symbiosis. This deep bond can create an over-dependency that can be unhealthy for both mother and child. At the same time, INFJs tend to be good friends with their children, while firm in discipline. They usually are concerned about the comfort of a home and most especially the comfort, physical health, and emotional well-being of both mates and children.

Midlife

At midlife an INFJ can best continue developing the thinking function in the form of logic and the pursuit of theory. The pleasure of taking a theoretical model and applying it to a situation may be a source of interest which an INFJ may have been neglecting. While continuing to pursue the person-to-person in feeling-type relationships, at midlife INFJs may want to get more involved in working with NT’s, who offer a dimension not dominant in NF’s and vice versa. Carefully providing for rest and taking care of physical health is vital to the INFJ at all times, and mandatory from midlife on.

Mates

The oracular INFJ may opt for the inventive ENTP, but also may go for a different kind of contrary, namely the ESTP. The ESTP and ENTP, to the casual observer, look pretty much alike. Charming, suave, urbane, humorous, witty, fantastically easy to approach, venturesome, even reckless. But one is out to invent, the other to promote; this is no small difference. It takes an inventor to make a mousetrap, it takes a promoter to make an enterprise. To succeed, the promoter has to be, in the best sense of the word, a con artist. He must be able to get people’s confidence. Now why would a meaning-giver INFJ be intrigued by an entrepreneur ESTP? Because he wants to help the entrepreneur find his soul and his significance in the scheme of things. Similarly, why is the INFJ attracted to ENTP? Because he wishes to rescue this iconoclast from his seeming folly (and let’s face it, most inventions are abortive, or still-born).

INFJ – No Filter – Offending

For whatever reason I am with this alleged quirk of the INFJ personality today. It started off with me looking at various INFJ memes as I do on occasion, just to remind myself that there are others “out there”.

Variously INFJs say nothing and internalize or offer a truth. That truth can be very detailed, deeply considered and highly accurate from wide perspective, it rarely has any filter. It is a whole truth and nothing but the truth. There is no holding back, it can be both barrels, so to speak.

I have noted over the years that I have offended many people by doing this, offering a truth. Many have sought petty revenge for my offering. People unwilling to accept said truth have sought to punish me for its provision. The quandary is to keep silence or accept a likely angry revenge. From time to time I piss people off, especially those who are prone to self-importance, with inflated and erroneous self-perspective.

One of things I dislike is people being fake, smarmy and toady, brown nosing, if you know what I mean. Yup, I understand that this kind of “politics” helps advancement for those so inclined, but I cannot bring myself to do it. It is akin to my dislike of small talk. Most people seem content enough to play this societal game, which we might call ritual sniffing, like dogs.

People are afraid of being real. They are not real to others and do not like it when people are real to them.

I have heard it described as an iron fist in a velvet glove. That is when an INFJ gives you the benefit of his / her opinion. It comes out of the blue, is totally unexpected and then, BAM!

It is never done to score points or to injure or to offend. It is done to provide clarity and aid evolution. It is done for growth but so often it is not accepted as the gift which it is meant to be.

Weird.

Pearls before swine and all that.

If an INFJ motivated by an upswelling of unconditional love goes to the trouble of offering their truth and it offends…

Then they are increasingly likely to stay silent.

Full of apparent “contradictions”, is what others say but there is logical consistency and no contradiction. It is simply cause and effect.

Oh well inner nuance foster journeys…

Hmnn

Not Neurotypical

I am not neurotypical, I know this for a fact, because I have measured my own brainwaves with a frontal lobe EEG (Electroencephalograph). Perhaps it might be better to say I am no longer neurotypical, though I don’t know if I was in the first place.

Like many INFJs I am quite fond of quizzes especially psychometric ones.  These are my results for the Aspie quiz:

A few weeks after my cancer operation I went to see a psychologist specialising in autistic spectrum clients. She was one of the few to do adult screening that I could find. I answered her lengthy questionnaire before my visit. I used the word impeccable quite a number of times in my answers.

She was a good friendly interviewer and we had a great chat. The outcome was that she was pretty certain that I did not have Aspergers’ and wasn’t really exhibiting spectrum like behaviours.  She thought that I might have an Unrelenting Standards Life Trap.

I did the quiz and bought several books on Schema Therapy. I am pretty convinced that I do not have this problem. It is a fair way off the mark. I like to do things properly when I have the time. I have high standards regarding integrity, authenticity and dislike people scheming and plotting. I do take my achievements for granted, they are not all that important to me. What is next, is usually my question. I like novelty.

As an INFJ, I make values based decisions  which can be very surprising to others. What is more these decisions are often irrevocable. For example once you have landed on my “wanker pile” there you will remain until strong evidence to the contrary is seen.

My temperament is NF. Read this above, sounds pretty good to me!!

What Temperament are you?

How do you make decisions?

Do you have the unrelenting standards life trap?