Towards Freedom – End of Certainty

It all sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? Feel the urge to wake up, get some control over mind and talking, escape from the world version born out of societal conditioning whilst being cognisant of a growing self-knowledge. At the higher overview level, it is simple, but as the illusion fades there is an inevitable end of “certainty”. When the parameters of the world and the basis of a life start to fade what shall replace them? As the goals and stories shared by the commonality cease to be so concrete, the “ideals” suspect and even the reliability of perception in question, it is easy to feel lost, bewildered and without anchor. How does one navigate a nascent consciousness within the context of the common dream or at least living adjunct to it? There is no other way than to improvise. As all those things held to be “true” fall by the wayside one after another it can be tricky.

The societal template starts to dissolve, and the advertiser’s nightmare is seen for what it is, marketing. It isn’t real. No matter how many Instagram pictures one sees, how many “buy a house in the country programmes” one watches, the only commonality is you. Wherever you go, you goes to. No matter how you dress it, what extent of plastic surgery and how many pals you may have, you. There is no escaping it. The only real certainty there is, is death. And so very many are shit scared of death. At its simplest life offers death, of course there can be much in between birth and death. It is my observation that not much thought is given to how one spends that time. There is little discernment and quantity tends to dominate quality in the manner of living.

I personally don’t understand where this “must have” mentality comes from, I can observe it. And it is this ambition, the acquisition lust, which has prevalence. I doubt its satiation brings anything other than temporary even instantaneous relief or gratification. When the moment passes it is back, as hungry as ever. But what is it all for? What does it mean? Few question for the “must have” holds dominion in one way or another. That field over the fence is so tempting in comparison to the grass at feet. And mundane success is so often measured by the extent of acquisition, whether that be money, fame, kudos, clothes or notches on the bed post. It is my hypothesis that the “must have” does not bring peace, freedom or equanimity. I may be alone in this hypothesis though I suspect deep down most sense this if only as the autumn of life approaches. By then there is enough anecdotal evidence that folly does not fulfil. This “must have” holds dominion and it seems that the certainty of success pivots around it.

Might there be more than one kind of success?

A life lived to build a curriculum vitae for public consumption and personal advancement, may look good on paper. One might be able to talk to it, justify it and explain it; it may bring kudos and cash. It is on paper and not in being. No list of achievements can comment of the state of being, the degree of freedom or of equanimity. If one is striving, does one have balance? It does not take too much thought to see that striving and balance are not cut of the same cloth. If all you have at the end of days is a paper list of achievements, then perhaps your earthly sojourn looks good on paper but what has been the true value of living? Without sounding like some religious zealot, it is reasonable to suggest that the answers do lot lie entirely in material advancement, acquisition and consumption. Anyone who has lived a while knows this. It is convenient to abey this knowledge in the conversations of face value of mutual justification which comprise much of human interaction. Somehow it is way too scary to be open about dissatisfaction with the prevailing madness. It is de rigueur to compare lists, no matter how hollow this game is. If you take away the certainty of list-living it can be cognitively difficult to construct a justifiable sequence to peers and family. This end of apparent certainty is unsettling. If one seeks freedom, then that always goes hand in hand with a lack of certainty. There can be conviction that freedom is sought but how that might be achieved is fundamentally uncertain. There are no concrete boxes to tick to quantify success. One cannot draw graphs to talk to. All the life goals, often material in nature, are not the signposts or way stations on the walk to freedom. In fact, one may never arrive.

The broad consensus of living in the west has some materially quantifiable indicators of success, which provide a conversational framework for world version. Should these cease to apply then one has make a world version 2.0, and in between temporarily viable world version, there is no certainty. I have implied here that world version can be subject to a software update. In this the mind constructs a current world version operating system which is prone to update. But in the limit, there is no world version, just now. That now is of an eternal nature and updates second by second. To live in the now without apparent certainty is not to everyone’s taste. Freedom can be scary. It can have no comparators to give confidence, no metrics and few if any rules. Such an ill-defined world, a world not defined by social conditioning has less mental interpretive structure, it does not need justificatory sense making.

To walk toward freedom is to dissolve world version and do away with the illusory certainty. It is to stand metaphorically naked, a tiny being, against the backdrop of an awesome cosmos. This is reality. It is not the complex socio-political world version which humans appear to be enamoured of.  The world created in the minds of man, is inaccurate as regards its perceived importance within the cosmic context. Tiny beings deem themselves much more important and magnificent than they actually are. From time to time nature reminds mankind of its insignificance, those lessons are forgotten, and man carries on just as self-important and as self-absorbed as ever. The “certainty” of socio-political world version is tantamount though misplaced and inaccurate. 

If you want to be free, then you will have to end this apparent certainty of the socio-political world version and begin to see life for what is, accepting as you do the scale of your beingness. It is not to everyone’s taste to wake up from the demanding “must have” of the common illusion. Strangely if you don’t go to Santorini on vacation, can’t therefore post snaps on the internet or brag about it to friends, the universe does not implode. Why it does not do this is a complete mystery to me!

As it is phrased elsewhere one has to stop the world in order to get off. And it is only when you have gotten off that you can discern with clarity the extent of madness. Then one sees just how much assumption and supposition goes into building the apparent certainty of the common illusion. Once this certainty ends, questions begin, and learning starts. It isn’t comfortable. It is starting to be real.

Towards Freedom – Freedom…

Freedom

It is impossible to have long lasting equanimity without freedom. A bold statement perhaps, but freedom as I use it here is a state of mind and again is a relative term. With each increasing freedom comes a liberty to be. In this sense one can be free in mind yet physically incarcerated. For mind is where both freedom and equanimity are to be found. Once there is a liberty to be it is possible to move beyond mere existence into expression, and it is via expression that freedom comes. To begin the long journey of freedom one must ease off the shackles of dependency and societal conditioning, to remove the manacles of ought and should.

In normal life there are many dependencies, we each have our hooks and barbs into each other and to these are strings attached. A brief tug on the string and balance is lost, calm evaporates, and emotional turbulence sets in. Pulled in so many directions life is off centre and hectic. This plague of being busy and the terror of missing out is not free. It comes at a cost of dependency and co-dependency. If you are forever concerned about what others think of you and say about you, then you are not free. There is ever a worry. And this worry drains and inhibits. I am not advocating a kind of reckless sociopathy, rather a gradual freeing up and an increasing detachment from the emotional weather; to step back and see it for what it is. 

Upon the road to freedom we each have baggage, by the truckload. And it is this baggage that must be opened up and the contents discarded but not before each garment has been examined and unpicked. For each scar, each hurt and anger, has to it something of value to be garnered on the road to objectivity. Holding it up to the sun, some measure of light comes through. This analogy for expression is part and parcel of gaining freedom. To be burdened by baggage is to be burdened and inhibited. Again, I am not suggesting wanton behaviour.

This raises the question; do you want to be free? Do you seek freedom? Or would you like to be just a little freer than you currently are? Even freedom is relative and though politicians bang on about freedom, that in its own context is also relative. The freedom of mind as ideal sounds good but the tendency of hive and herd pulls the opposite way. It takes courage to be free of mind and to step outside the herd altogether. With only relatively little freedom of mind comes only a little equanimity.

The idea is not a step function jump off a cliff, rather a gradual, as and when, freeing up.  For unless you own your own mind you cannot have equanimity or a centre. Mind will chase off after in the prevailing weather. So, what I am leading up to is understanding mind, understanding self and going perhaps beyond any notion of self whatsoever. For this self and its image is not real. It is a façade. If you know that your façade is inaccurate and a lie, how can there ever be any lasting equanimity? There cannot be. There will always be a worry that you are going to be found out.

In this it should be easy to see that freedom is sourced in knowledge first of façade then of self and then not self. The key to freedom is understanding. Such a carte blanche statement is true yet simplistic, it is a cover all which has much behind it.

This kind of freedom from dependency may imply loneliness, a fear and a dread to many. A little careful thought might suggest that the dread is a part of dependency and one that can be used to leverage reliance. It is perhaps a desire of many to have friends but there is little true friendship. Much is by way of fragile alliance based upon conditional negotiation, where stock is kept of favour and shared secrets. Very few so called friendships are without condition or some kind of trading. Whilst one may have company, even a sense of camaraderie, rarely is that unconditional. More often there is convenience and expediency. For many it is better to have company, for whatever motive, than to face the singularity of being alone with oneself.  This being alone and without filling the time with pass times is terrifying to most. Because of this terror people will endure all kinds of things.

If you are to seek a freedom of any depth, then it is necessary to be comfortable in being alone. One could rewrite this all one. For it is in the space of no activity, no company and with time that one can face one’s demons, whatever they may be. It is not necessary to face demons if all one seeks is to be a little freer, but small endeavour leads to small reward. And I can say that unvanquished demons prey on equanimity with an unremitting hunger. Just when a small equanimity arrives a demon starts to gnaw, and balance vanishes in a puff of smoke.

As I have been at pains to point out we are dealing with the relative and not the absolute. I have used the allegory of demons to sum up all the things we do not want to face. I am not speaking of occult or satanic creatures, rather our own personal demons which follow us through life with a dogged persistence unless we turn and face them down. It is difficult to be free when your demons are stalking you.

To put it clearly and simply, if you cannot face being alone then there is always a lever which can be leant upon. This knowing, that you are alone, all one, means that societal negotiation and manipulation is far less effective which means you have choice and with choice, comes a freedom of a kind. This freedom is an availability of options, of possibilities or different ways of being and responding. It means less knee jerk reaction more considered and intelligent responding to life. In the absence of reflexive and reactive behaviour there is some sense of control which breeds equanimity.

In relative terms, what is the outer limit of freedom, to be fully free? Whilst corporeal there will always be some limitation on what your mind, your consciousness, can do, due to the very apparatus of living. The consciousness is as yet anchored therein. And depending upon your take on reincarnation you could say that the outer limit of freedom is the cessation of urge to reincarnate. One is done with all that planetary incarnation has to offer and seeks a discarnate existence thereafter. The shackles of form are ready to be cut once and for ever at death. I suspect that despite some idealism most are nowhere near this state of mind and it must sound abstract and unattainable. If you are not an adherent of this, then the limit is simply to move through life with as few hang ups as possible, easy and relaxed in choices and decisive therein. Because anyone who looks deeply senses an interconnection, this living is consequential and with wider appreciation it is not possible to condone undue damage. This kind of freedom, is a responsible one born out of a profound sense of knowledge that every act matters. Although one could be selfish and destructive, because in knowing self, one knows, one chooses not to act harmfully or recklessly.  It depends upon how each seeks to frame things in their own world view. Suffice it to say with freedom comes responsibility, and ability to respond to life and not simply react. This may seem odd to be free and responsible, yet there is no contradiction when sufficient freedom has been garnered. Until that time the notion of freedom is not fully grasped, it is perhaps adolescent and under developed.

Depending on sense of adventure and perceived need to belong, the journey towards freedom is individual. There is no summit per se. There are stages and phases, where one experiences a new-found sense of freedom, however transitory or long lasting. One may get to a point and that suffices, or one may feel the need to go further. There is no right or wrong, there is only what your heart tells you and what the innermost urge of your being demands. 

I do not believe that one can unpick freedom of mind from equanimity, they are entwined and cooperative. If you do not have the courage to strive for freedom of mind and in mind, you will not secure equanimity. Unless you own and can control your own mind, there will always be emotional weather, which seldom is serene. And in this context bliss too is of an emotional bent it, like a mirage, cannot last for ever especially whilst corporeal. Do not confuse equanimity with anhedonia, they are not synonyms. True equanimity has to it a tremendous depth of experience simply because it is free of mental noise.  Handling this depth of experience is initially unsettling and being able to manage enhanced perception is one of the hills which need climbing on the way to freedom. It is easy to taste the cake of phenomena and gorge thereupon for a long while, but a love of phenomena can breed an addiction which by definition, is not free.

Above I have given a high-level introduction; there are no hows, no strategies. What I have sought to do is to lessen ideal, to make relative and thereby chip away at a sense of the unattainable. For many the perfection, the absolute, provides an insurmountable barrier. Whereas freedom by degree does not evoke fear of failure to such an extent. Roll the world freedom around in your consciousness and see if it resonates there. Is it something however intangible it may be, that appeals? Is there an urge within that may seek this noumenon? If there is and you go in earnest search, then as a by-product you will acquire a measure of equanimity.